The Poltergeist Collection
by Phoenixian
Summary: The legacy they left behind is legendary. From children to resistance the marauders and their friends gave everything they had for each other and for what they knew was right, often risking, and losing everything for their cause. They will not be forgotten.
1. Lily and Sirius: Golden Summers

"Have you ever thought about it?" Lily asked SIrius as he stared at her belly in wonder, feeling the tiny kicks beneath his hands. "Kids and marriage I mean" she said when he looked at her questioningly.

He smiled. "Sorry kid, my life plan doesn't exactly include marriage" he informed her, leaning back into the couch.

The door opened and Alice entered the room and dropped into an empty chair,exhausted, her small round belly hidden beneath her aurors robes.

"Long day?" Sirius asked.

Alice snorted. "You could say that. Had another run in with your cousin. She sends her love by the way. Barely made it out of that one."

"She's never liked me" Sirius said in false disappointment. "Even when we were young and her parents made her babysit and she would boss me around, never letting me choose the games we played or nothing..."

"Ah, the golden summers of a sociopathic youth" Alice said, yawning.

"You know" Lily said, turning to Sirius, "Considering the number of people trying to kill you your life plan might not include living."


	2. Petunia: Monster

Lily writes to me all the time. i can picture her, in that castle, surrounded by wonder and magic, penning words that are meant for me, words that I will never read. She says the same thing over and over. 'I'm sorry' she writes, as if this will change anything or mend the void that has been growing between us since the day she turned her back on me and stepped onto that train, the day when I became an outsider in my own sister's life. You see, at that moment I hated my sister, hated everything about her. I hated her for being perfect and smart and beautiful and special, so very special.

Sorry for what? I would like to ask her, if I was still willing to speak to her that is. Sorry for cutting me from your life? Sorry for making me keep your secret when the very thought of what you are makes me sick? I don't even open her letters anymore. Instead I throw them in the bottom drawer of my dresser. It hurts, doesn't it? I want to ask her.

"She's not your sister, she's a monster." I think it over and over for years until I come to believe it, so that even in death she is nothing but a freak who has gotten exactly what she deserves and still I resent her, and I resent the child that is left in my charge.

The truth only comes to me years later as I look back at my nephew for what is quite possibly the very last time and see the little boy who never received the affection that he desperately needed, who never knew a pleasant day under my roof. It strikes me sharply, over and over, just as I repeated those other words to myself so long ago. "Who's the monster? Who's the monster?"


	3. Peter: Remembrall

The small, plump young man rushed hurriedly along the empty country road, glancing over his shoulder with every other step as though afraid he might be swallowed by the darkness that surrounded him, but there was no movement or sound other than the rustling of the plants in the fields, the soft pitter patter as the rain hit the ground, the distant mooing of an angry cow, and of course his own footsteps as he stumbled along, nearly slipping and falling on the wet asphalt, making him grip that much tighter to the heavy paper bag that seemed intent on escaping his grasp, already soaked through as rain dripped from his hair and the end of his nose.

Finally he slid to a stop, breathing hard, in a ditch next to a high hedge that stood on the edge of what appeared to be a large open wheat field, but a foot path had formed in the dirt where he stood, feet and exposure having worn the small dirt path until it was hard and compact as rock, indicating decades of constant use.

The boy remained standing next to the hedge for several long moments, glaring out over the landscape with his small beady eyes, unblinking. It was only when he had decided that he had not been followed and was not being watched that he turned away from the road and ducked through an opening in the hedge, coming out in the field beyond, at which point a squat little farm house with peeling paint came into view for him, dim light shining out almost apologetically from cracks in tightly closed shutters. Dead plants lined the outside walls of the house, as though someone who lived there had once cared enough to plant a garden but had long since left or given up, and as the young man paused to shift the bag from one arm to the other and take a moment to collect his thoughts, his eye was caught by two shriveled, hungry looking gnomes who were scurrying across the patches of weeds and dying grass, disappearing a moment later into the thick hedge, and he knew that that was the last of the funny little creatures and wished briefly that they would take him with them, but with a deep breath, and the knowledge that he would be on the train to Hogwarts in less than twelve hours, he climbed the creaking steps to the front door and entered the stifling warmth of his home.

"Peter?" His mother's high pitched screech met him even before the door had swung shut on it's hinges, blocking out the chill and fear of the night outside.

"Peter, Is that you?"

He often wondered who else she thought it might be, though during her spells she often spoke to people who weren't there, who could never be there, and who Peter knew to be dead. Sometimes he envied her detachment from the real world, her belief that her husband and any other number of people that she had once known and cared for were still alive.

Peter made his way along the dusty corridor, sidestepping piles of his mother's junk, that she lovingly referred to as her collection. A glass ball rolled out from under a rickety little table, knocking against his foot and making him jump and look down. The old remembrall was filled with cloudy red smoke and was cracked in several places. He kicked it away in annoyance as he came to the heavy wooden doors that led into his mother's sanctuary and pushed them open.

The stuffy sitting room was filled like the hall with piles of junk and books, old things that were broken or outdated and could never be of use to anyone. A haze of smoke hung from the ceiling, floating up from behind a hill of cushions that stood high enough so as to act as a wall in the middle of the room, and he had to manoeuver his way around it in order to see the small, thick woman slouched over in the worn armchair. Still dressed in her nightgown that was so stained it was clear she had been wearing it for days, she was settled into a deep void that her large bottom had long ago made in the cushion that she sat on. She clutched a smoking pipe in one hand and an empty glass in the other and it wasn't until Peter had edged through the mess and stood right in front of her that she seemed to recognize that he was there at all, and as her eyes settled on her son she gave a gap toothed smile and reached up to scratch at a spot on her peeling scalp, that Peter could see through her thinning hair.

"Be a dear and fetch me another drink would you Peter?" she asked in a sickeningly sweet, though rather hoarse voice, shaking her glass at him, and he obeyed instantly. Reaching into the damp paper bag that he carried, he extracted a number of bottles and as his mother saw them her eyes shone with pleasure.

"Darling boy..." she praised him as he pressed a full glass into her desperate hand.

He turned away from her, standing on the cold hearth. Reaching out, he righted an old photograph of a smart looking young couple supporting a pudgy baby between them and smiling at the camera. He stared at the beautiful, healthy young woman that looked back at him with love in her eyes, then, without a second glance at what she had become he slipped silently from the room.


	4. Marauders: Aftermath

There was any number of students in the school who would have paid good money to see James Potter physically attack his best friend, but fortunately for both of them there were very few who actually did witness the incident, and most of those who did were not willing to speak of it because of it's direct connection to another incident, of a more serious nature that had occurred the previous night. And whatever rumors spread throughout the school over the next few weeks, the truth was really quite simple. Sirius Black took a tentative step in the direction of his best friends and James Potter floored him. Just like that. No wands were drawn, no words were exchanged, and Sirius did not fight back. Nevertheless, there had never before been any type of physical altercation at Hogwarts, what with the convenience of magic, which meant that the story spread like wildfire, growing and mutating into a fight to the death for, to Lily's shame, of all things, her. That was it. The whole school had watched for years as James Potter had fallen for Lily Evans and of course the whole story was set. No consideration to the fact that James had a girlfriend, or that best mates didn't get into fist fights over girls or that nothing further was seen or heard on this matter for some time. Lily felt the backlash of the rumors for weeks, but the real shame was that a black eye did nothing to gain Sirius any favor with his friends, because a bruise was nowhere near what he had nearly cost them, and he knew it, and they knew it, and the rest of the school speculated. James was awarded a single detention, as professor McGonagall seemed to sympathize with his reasoning, not to mention there was hardly a written rule that forbid physical fighting because no one had really ever tried it.


	5. James and Lily: Pride

"Lily.."

The redhead jumped and spun as the voice spoke softly in her ear, causing her to knock her head against the bookcase and curse herself for having chosen such an obvious place to shut herself away from the world and the people, or should she say person that she least wanted to see, and yet here he was. Apparently even James Potter had the deductive reasoning skills to guess that Lily Evans might be in the library despite it being the beginning of the year, with homework yet to be assigned. She sighed heavily, glancing side to side as though she might find some escape, or perhaps merely sink into the ground and disappear, but with no luck she turned back to find the dark haired boy standing uncomfortably close and grinning his usual crooked grin that would have any other girl giggling and blushing.

"Hi" she offered reluctantly, turning back to reshelving the books she had been using. She had turned back again to find that he had closed a great deal of distance between them when she hadn't been looking and was now standing so close that she could feel his warm breath on her cheek.

"So you're avoiding me then?" he asked matter of factly, looking all too pleased with the idea. He took a step forward and to his great satisfaction she stood her ground, just as he had expected. Lily Evans had learned long ago just how to deal with far more hostile threats than a teenage boy.

"I certainly am not." she replied haughtily, clearly frustrated, but he cut her off.

"I like it. It's a throwback. Very third year."

Lily wished he would stop smiling that haughty smile.

"What do you want James?" she demanded finally when he refused to break the sudden silence, and finally his grin relaxed into what in James' case could almost be considered a serious expression, his dark eyes burning into her own and it was a moment before he seemed to find the right words.

"I'm going crazy trying to figure you out Lily" he said finally, running his hands through his already disheveled hair.

"Well don't hurt yourself" she replied, "and good luck with that one, cause I can't even figure myself out apparently."

He looked away. "Last night..." he stated then, simply, but full of meaning.

"We were drunk."

"Correction. You were drunk. And _you_ tried to kiss _me_."

"Drunk Lily does a lot of stupid things" she answered sharply, twisting a lock of hair nervously around one finger, but James didn't seem to be buying it.

"You once told me that drunk Lily does things that sober Lily is afraid to do."

"I was drunk when I said that."

James laughed but it was soft and serious and had none of the usual lightness to it.

"Lily, I'm trying here, I'm giving you a chance to finally wrap your head around this, but if you can't handle that..."

Lily's temper was rising. "So now since Charlotte dumped you and we've become friends or something, you think that now I'll want you all of a sudden?"

"Why does everyone think she dumped me? Lily, Charlotte and I broke it off because for me it's always been you."

Their conversation was clearly leading somewhere on the other end of the galaxy from Lily's comfort zone as she leaned back against the bookshelves to put some space between them, crossing her arms protectively.

"What do you want me to say to that James?" she asked finally, her voice soft.

He smiled again. "Sober Lily has a lot to learn from drunk Lily. Say that I haven't just been imagining everything for the past year and that we can work as more than friends. Say yes, because I have never met anyone quite like you."

"I'm special, huh?" she asked, but there was no more flight in her eyes and she didn't break eye contact as he went on.

"Lily, the one thing I've done right in the past year is to get you to almost like me, because I have liked you since day one...and yes, you are something special. You don't play games where I have to try and figure out what it is you're really thinking 'cause you just say it, usually with a lot of really filthy words thrown in that I've never heard before. And you're the first girl ever to call me on my bullshit, probably the first one who would ever be bothered, whether you hated me or not. Made me take a good hard look at myself each time too, I can tell you that much, so you've made me a better person, and whatever happens with us you just have to know that I will never hurt you and that I can't lose you. I'm just hoping you'll give us a chance cause I know I'm willing if you are."

Lily blinked and James finally had a chance to take a deep breath. He had had no intention of saying so much but it had all come up as though it had been on the tip of his tongue for ages, and perhaps it had been.

"And my whole life I've been completely powerless before people who say they have feelings for me" Lily replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm, but she was avoiding his gaze, scuffing at the wood floor with the toe of one shoe and James was forced to fight the mounting feeling of elation as the emerald eyes came up once more, coming to rest in the vicinity of his collar bone.

"You see" he assured her with a rather forced smile, "You are the only girl alive who wouldn't be somewhat swayed by the things I just said."

Lily swallowed. She felt as though a toad was doing summersaults in her belly. She couldn't meet his eyes as much as she scolded herself for being so pathetic.

James was itching to know what she was thinking, to be satisfied that everything he had felt between them before that moment had not simply been wishful thinking. But here he was, backing her into a corner in order to get a straight answer.

"Sometimes you make it hard to hate you" Lily conceded finally, and James' laughter bubbled up in relief.

"It's part of my charm" he offered, lightening the growing tension.

"And sometimes you make it easy" she snapped back, but she was smiling and he waited for her thoughts to come together.

"I just don't know James" Lily continued apologetically, her voice so open and vulnerable that it cut into him a hundred times as deeply as any of the times that she had raged at him or turned him down in the past, but it wasn't the same as it had always been, there was something more to it, as though she were balancing right on the edge, waiting for something to nudge her in one direction or the other.

And so James did something that he would never be particularly proud of but would remember fondly nonetheless. Lily felt his warm hand cupping her cheek. His thumb brushed her lips once and they parted of their own accord as the same hand slid into her hair and Lily finally allowed herself to glance up once more, to find him so much nearer than she remembered him being, his dark eyes smoldering dangerously behind his round lenses, causing her to suck in a deep breath, tasting him in the air, salty and addictive so that all she could think about was kissing him.

But James didn't kiss her just yet. As much as he had always wanted too, at that moment he had no intention of fulfilling that particular desperate desire. He felt Lily's hand against his chest, urging him closer and he obliged so that the bookshelves supported much of their weight and if they had been any closer their lips would certainly have been touching, and here he forced himself to hold back. Her eyes had closed in anticipation.

"Let me know when you figure it out" he whispered as softly as he had said her name upon his arrival.

She barely had the time to register his words before James had pulled away. Her eyes snapped open just in time see him disappear around the corner of the aisle of books behind which he had confronted her. She heard him whistling as he walked away and the librarians angry voice rising just as the door slammed shut somewhere on the other end of the room.

It was as though he had never been there to begin with. Lily turned back to her mountain of dusty old texts, but she couldn't help but touch her fingers to her lips and recall the determination in James' expression as he had looked back at her, the things he had said that Lily had never even considered. It seemed almost as though he knew her better than she knew herself.


	6. Mad Eye and Mundungus: Eyebrows

"Hello Mad Eye" James said cheerfully as they exited the office to find the auror slouched against the wall outside.

"Don't call me that Potter" he replied grumpily, "I'm afraid it'll stick".

James grinned.

"Who's this?" Frank asked, gesturing to the man to Moody's right, a shaggy, sketchy looking figure who was hunkered down as though hoping they might forget about him. Moody snorted. "This is Mundungus Fletcher, he's got some sharing to do."

" Hey, I know you" James said suddenly, causing Mundungus to look up. "We had a drink together in the Hogshead last year."

Mundungus grinned. "Yeah, I remember. I called you crazy eyebrow man!"

Sirius gave a great bark of laughter.

"It was a bad day" James said by way of explanation. "My ex girlfriend thought it would be funny to curse me."

"She was right" SIrius informed him. "Such a memorable day."


	7. Sirius: Family

The Hogwart's express shone bright and inviting in the summer sunlight, reflecting brilliant rays into the eyes of students and parents as they crowded together in groups all over the platform, saying their goodbyes and hauling luggage and unhappy pets through the open doors of the steam engine. Friends called to each other, eager to catch up after months apart, and new students stuck close to parents and older siblings, eyeing each other and the general chaos warily.

The scene was only too familiar to the handsome sixth year boy who stood glaring across the gaggles of younger students, eyes fixed on a proud, rather regal looking couple who stood protectively on either side of a snotty looking fourth year whom he knew to be a Slytherin. The boy's parents were pointedly ignoring all those in their vicinity, clearly deeming them inferior with stuck up noses and dark, intimidating looks, and they seemed not to notice how closely they were being watched from the other side of the platform. He dropped his eyes to his younger brother to see the boy's annoyance at being so closely safeguarded, as even his friends gave the small family a wide berth, picking up on the hostility that their older son had spent his life running from, only recently having managed to escape the bonds that had held him, if not successfully containing him, for so long. He would almost have felt guilty for abandoning Regulus to bear the brunt of what he had once taken, had his brother not shown long ago exactly where his loyalties lay.


	8. Lily: Punishment

Petunia and I used to have tea parties when we were little, back in the days before Severus and Hogwarts and the mess that became of our relationship. We would dress up in our mother's old clothes and jewelry and gather all our favorite dolls and stuffed animals, setting them in chairs around the table that was in our playroom. Petunia was always the hostess and me and the dolls would be her guests. "Please sit" she would order in a pompous voice that wasn't much different than the way she talks to me now. One time I smuggled cranberry juice into the playroom which was expressly forbidden by our mother, and Petunia knocked it from the table when she reached for a cookie, catching the plastic teapot with her elbow and sending it plunging to the floor, red juice staining my mother's pale carpet. A look of panic crossed her face and she began to cry. I begged her to stop, and even yanked on one of her perfect blond curls which only made her cry harder, and brought our mother running.

I took the blame for the mess that day, and it seems I've been doing the same thing ever since. I tried to protect my sister, but in the end I suppose it only tore us further, with the lies and secrets that became my life, and my sisters resentment of the things I was capable of.

Petunia and I agree to meet at a restaurant that is within walking distance of her house. She asks how I will get there but I don't bother to remind her that I can be anywhere in the country, the world even within seconds, I don't tell her because it is one of those things that sets her off and all I want is peace, a chance to mend us before it is too late. Which means I have to put my own resentments aside because a part of me wants to rage at her for what she has done to us. I love my sister more than anything, but she has broken what we had because of her jealousy and I would love for her to take responsibility for this.

"Your sister has to wake up every morning and be Petunia Dursley. That's punishment enough" James tells me, and I can't help but smile. He wants to come with me to our meeting but I know that things are bad enough as they are.

I get there ten minutes before our scheduled meeting time, order a cup of tea and try to read a book Alice leant me while I wait for Petunia to arrive. The words sit on the page and I can't seem to make sense of them. All I can think about is whether Petunia will show up and what I'm supposed to say to her if she does.

I don't hear her approach until her unmistakable voice says "Lily?"

I look up at my sister and she looks just the way I remember. Small, with blond perfectly kept hair, she is dressed plainly and her doe like eyes sit deep her pale face.

"It's good to see you, thanks for coming" I say, at a loss for words of any real meaning. Her eyes skitter nervously around the restaurant as though she's afraid to be seen with me. She avoids my gaze. Her eyes land on my wedding ring, which I am twisting, a nervous habit. She looks as though she wants to say something but changes her mind.

Our lunch doesn't go well, and when we part outside the restaurant an hour later I watch her walk away, weighing the slim probability I have of ever seeing her again. I'm hiding in the empty bathtub. It seems to be the only place I can go. The porcelain sides contain me, make me feel like I'm in control of my life even though I know I'm not. For the first time in a long while I feel like I need my mother, but instead I press my cheek against the cold, hard porcelain and take deep breaths. It isn't until I've calmed down that I finally climb from the bath and look at myself in the cracked mirror. My eyes are bloodshot and little crevices are forming around lips that I keep perpetually pinched in worry.

Moments later I'm leaning over the toilet bowl, throwing up my fancy lunch. I hear the front door open and close and James is calling my name. I touch my stomach. It's time to share the news. I've never been more afraid in my life, but it's almost a good fear, something that I wouldn't like to let go of now that I've experienced it.


	9. Sirius and Lily: Fair Game

It was the very first time in all of the nearly six years they had known each other that Lily Evans had willingly sought out Sirius Black. She had only been able to sit for so long, watching James pace furiously across the common room floor, watching Remus moping about, pondering his existence, watching Peter do nothing at all and watching her friends watch her before she came to the conclusion that despite the fact that he was most definitely at fault for the all the moping, and pacing and watching, Sirius' need was definitely greatest. And so she had taken advantage of the marauder's distraction and snuck up the stairs to the sixth year boy's dorm room and had preceded to wade through the piles of worn quidditch robes, dirty socks and failed experiments before rummaging in James' trunk for the magical map and picked Srius out almost instantly, sitting alone at the edge of the lake, an outcast even from his own group of outcasts.

And that was where she found him, bare feet dangling in the icy water of the lake, head hanging dejectedly in self loathing, and she couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of sympathy, another first regarding Sirius Black. He looked up as she approached, a slight glimmer of hope or perhaps desperation in his dark eyes that disappeared instantly when he saw that it was her approaching and not one of his friends, or ex-friends, depending on how things worked out.

"If you're here to give me a lecture, don't bother" he said in a flat voice, just loud enough for her to hear, but she approached never the less and eased herself down beside him, crossing her legs and settling into the soft bank.

"I'm guessing you feel shitty enough already" she replied casually. She felt his eyes on her for a moment but didn't return his gaze, staring instead out over the glassy waters at the reflected moon, nearly full but for the faintest sliver.

"Why'd you come out here then?" Sirius asked heavily. He leaned back on his elbows and glared up into the sky and she wondered if he was out there looking at the moon as a means of punishing himself for what he had caused. Lily didn't exactly know what to say. she had never been particularly good at talking to people and had never had much of a bedside manner, but she was consistently drawn to people who had no one else to turn too. Perhaps that had been the appeal she had seen in Severus for so long, unable to move on until he had done so himself, until he had proven that he no longer needed her at all.

"Thought you could use some company" she tried, but when the sentence fell far too cliche for the circumstances she tried again.

"You wanna tell me why?"

Sirius sighed, and Lily sensed more than just guilt in her fellow Gryffindor. There was more too it than that, pain, and loss and exhaustion, as though he were sick of whatever facade he had set up, was sick of the fight.

"Damn it" he swore loudly and the words were carried off across the water, but they clearly weren't aimed at her, more of a general outburst, a simple attempt at making himself feel better. She waited.

"Maybe I'm my parents son after all" he offered, as though admitting some great personal failure, but she was having none of it.

"No, Sirius" she said sternly, "That's an excuse, not an answer, it's far too easy."

"Fine" he answered, though not coldly, still soft and defeated. "I did it because of you."

This of course was the last thing that Lily had been expecting and she could think of absolutely nothing to say in return, to the point that Sirius looked around once more, his expression almost amused.

" 'Snot like it sounds" he assured her quickly, which at least allowed her to breath again and to return his half smile. She struggled to regain her dignity.

"Because of what happened in Hogsmeade? Avery and Mulciber you mean?"

He nodded. "Very good."

"But what does that have to do with Sev- with Snape?" she spluttered, attempting to put the two things together. She tried to remember seeing him there but nothing came up.

"Well, nothing the way you're thinking, mind you he did show his greasy face when you were still unconscious and bleeding, for your information. It's just that Snivellus is Slytherin and Slytherin needed some comeuppance for that day. They've been begging for it."

"Even though Avery and Mulciber are gone?"

"Don't matter. Do you not go to this school Lily? Have you not been paying attention for the past five years? Something happens and all's fair, you know. Vengeance is sweet and all that, and Snivellus is always good for it. Everybody's fair game."

"Even one of your closest friends? Someone who trusts you and loves you and only expects the same in return?" she asked, knowing what he had really meant, but wanting to steer the conversation away from Severus Snape. Sirius' face fell instantly.

"I am such a bloody wanker" he groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "What in Merlin's great hairy beard was I thinking? Didn't consider the consequences at all, and now James won't even speak to me and Remus...Remus..."

"Is feeling hurt and used?" she offered helpfully, only making him groan once more.

"If my plan had succeeded, If James hadn't stopped him...do you realize what could have happened? He asked, "Other than Snivellus being injured I mean?" he added as an afterthought.

Lily said nothing, allowing him to elaborate. "Remus...If anything had happened to Snape then everything he and Dumbledore had worked for would all be for nothing. He'd be gone, and I don't mean just expelled along with me and likely James as well. If anything had happened, if Snape had been maimed or killed..." He swallowed, and Lily wondered if he was holding back tears. When he continued his voice had changed, had broken. "He would have been taken into custody, locked up, and taken before the department for the regulation and control of magical creatures, maybe even before the committee for the disposal of dangerous creatures or whatever that is. Could have been sent to Azkaban, or worse. Can you believe that? Creatures!" He spat the word as though it were an unforgivable curse. He had switched in an instant from glum sadness to total and complete outrage, and Lily could not blame him. How was it possible for the ministry to treat someone with so little consideration, to turn a young man, a student, a friend, a prefect, into a monster? Something was burning inside of her and she felt every bit as disgusted with the people who made the wizarding laws as she had been with Mulciber and Avery after her attack, for it was every bit as personal and demeaning, if not more so. Like her, Remus was being told that he was unworthy, less than all others, but to compare him to an animal?

She forced herself to take deep, calming breaths, to shift her feelings, to use them, or store them or let them go, and she decided then and there that she would someday be in a position to do something about these injustices. Feeling much better, she was once again able to focus on her companion, who, all things aside clearly loved his friend more dearly than Lily could comprehend.

"McGonagall told you all this?" she asked, trying to share some of her calm determination.

"And Dumbledore" he muttered feebly. "I've never seen him so...disappointed. Not in all this time. It was awful."

"This was the first time you did anything that actually put lives on the line."

He nodded sadly.

"What's the punishment?"

"Took about a hundred points, plus detentions every saturday from now 'til the end of the school year. They could have expelled me, they should have, it would have been the least I deserve."

"Don't see how that would have done anyone any good. Besides, Mulciber and Avery would have killed me and Mary , used an unforgivable curse and everything, and didn't get punished at all."

"And James and Remus hate me, but the jokes on them, cause it's not possible for them to hate me any more than I hate myself right now."

Lily didn't respond, and a moment later Sirius had glanced over at her. "You're supposed to say they don't hate me" he said pleadingly.

"I think they _won't_ hate you." It was the best that she could do. "And I think that it's definitely going to take some time to earn back their trust. You'll have to give it time."

"A lot of time."

"Maybe, but remember who were talking about here. You guys are a family, brothers, for better or for worse. Don't forget that."

"You shouldn't say that to the guy who has been literally blasted off his family tree. You're just depressing me more" but he seemed slightly more cheerful nonetheless as they rose and made their way slowly up to the castle. The lights shone down on them warmly, offering a modicum of comfort to the two people who would always be the black sheeps in their respective families, or what was left of them. As they reached the front doors, voices and laughter could be heard filtering out of the great hall, and Sirius felt very lucky that no one else would have heard of what would from them on be referred to as the incident, what with Snape being sworn to secrecy and no other witnesses to speak of.


	10. Remus L: Strangers

Remus Lupin had made his getaway early, feigning exhaustion and a desire for an early start as a means of escaping the tense silences and clipped sentences that had accounted for the majority of his summer months. Not that his parents didn't care for him, and he for them, but the Lupin's were not big on displays of affection or the sharing of feelings which left little room for all that went on beneath their roof, suppressing everything until he had to wonder if he wasn't slightly mad. And so he had just barely managed to hang on for two long months, thriving off of his friends occasional visits and counting down the days until his return to Hogwarts even as he pretended that his conversations with his father had any real meaning, or that his mother's over protective hovering could make up for that day each month when no one could save him from himself.

The truth was that they were strangers living under one roof, and as much as he knew that it hurt his mother, and maybe his father too, though you would never know from looking at the wiry older man, he felt as though they had all crossed a line that it was impossible to come back from, that it had become easier, simpler, and better for them all simply to go through the motions for that short term each year, before returning to their normal routine, thriving on denial and avoidance.

And so he lay in his dark, quiet room, his trunk packed at the end of his bed, ready and waiting for him to make his escape from his family, and he allowed his eyes to be drawn to the brightly shining crescent moon that rested among the stars so very far away, yet close enough to impact his life in the most drastic of ways. He liked to look at it none the less, using it to mark the passing of time, each day both a blessing and a curse as it drew him that much closer to being reunited with his friends, and that much closer to becoming a monster.

A cool summer breeze played through the open window, rustling the leaves on the trees outside. From below, the muffled sound of his father's wireless made it's way up through the floor, strangely comforting and familiar, and Remus turned away from the ever encroaching moon and looked instead at the photograph that he had hung on the opposite wall. It was a new picture, having been taken at the end of the previous term, and the four boys in the frame were laughing and shoving one another, all arms around shoulders and wide, toothy grins. Their hair and robes were mussed and dark circles rimmed each eye, reminding Remus of what the previous night had been, but it was also clear that the picture was simply of four boys, four friends who went to school, broke the rules and looked out for each other. There were no monsters anywhere in the photo.

Remus nudged a pile of books from his bed with one foot, and they fell to the ground with a dull thud, coming to rest where he knew they would surely sit for the next ten months, gathering dust. He rolled over, pulled a pillow over his head, closed his eyes and promptly fell asleep.


	11. Lily: Hatred

"Though I walk through the valley of the the shadow of death, I will fear no evil..."

Her father's arm tightening around her waist as he fought back tears that she had already shed. The smell of damp earth and grief, mingling with the warmth of the last days of summer. Her mother's casket being lowered into the ground bearing the corpse of a woman who had once had so much life, so much to offer to her family and to the world. It seemed almost a betrayal to cover her over with earth and to walk away forever.

A gentle breeze stirred the high grass and the branches of the majestic trees around her. The redhead lay spread out on her stomach, black funeral dress grass stained, shoes thrown aside, chin resting on her arms as she gazed through the trunks to the place where she could hear the comfortable trickling of water that meant the river was running strong, headed for places unknown.

The same breeze lifted her hair and pulled on her clothes and she shivered, tucking her thin jumper more tightly around her body as she rolled onto her back, careful to avoid being poked by the thin length of wood that she could feel nestled safely in her pocket, unused for months, but ever present as a sense of dread and impending doom settled more heavily over the wizarding and muggle worlds alike.

Lily's summer had been spent in a haze of sadness and paralyzing anticipation, as her life played back and forth between loss and worry , as she hoarded Daily Prophets and made forays to Diagon Alley every chance she got, but it hardly seemed enough, as each moment that passed marked another death, another disappearance, or some other tragedy as muggle borns were targeted, ministry representatives were placed under the imperius curse, and hundreds of people were forced to flee, abandoning their families and friends for fear of the consequences that would be brought down on them and the ones they loved, and she couldn't help but understand what they were all going through, as every day that she passed in her parents home now put what was left of her family in danger, and she was eager for her return to Hogwarts in the hopes that her father and even her sister would be left alone in the blissful ignorance that made up every muggles life.

But despite everything, the young woman had ventured away from the relative safety that was offered in her muggle home and had settled herself at the center of a remote stretch of trees in which the darkness lay over her and her surroundings like a heavy quilt, and yet it freed her, allowed her to escape from the concerned looks and ignorant questions, and even the pain, not to mention the feeling of utter failure and loss that seemed to come over her every time she passed by her sister's old bedroom and looked in at the blank walls and the frilly curtains and remembered that she was no longer welcome in Petunia's life, or when she sat in her mother's empty kitchen and tried to forget that she would never walk through the door again, would never hug her or ruffle her hair or tell her not to worry even when no one could really understand. Now her sister had a normal flat with normal friends and a normal boyfriend, far away in a place where nothing strange or interesting ever happened, where nothing even remotely out of place would be tolerated and where she most certainly did not belong, and her father would be all alone with his work once Lily had gone back to school, and it made her hate herself for having priorities and hate her father for being so alone, her sister for abandoning them all and even sometimes her mother for dying.

She looked around as a twig snapped nearby, remembering suddenly just how alone she really was, her fingers circling her wand, eyes struggling to see through the shadows and bushes that overwhelmed her vision. And then the boy appeared as though out of thin air, though it was only his dark clothing and hair that had kept him concealed as he slid out into the clearing in which she had settled.

His long, unkempt hair hung around his sallow face, nearly obscuring his dark eyes, though his hooked nose dominated his face still, the bat like appearance pulled together nicely by the shabby black clothing that he wore, from the old t-shirt to the pair of shorts, below which two knobby knees stuck out from his long skinny legs.

He didn't seem to see the girl as he entered the clearing, but a moment later she had leapt to her feet, and though all danger had surely passed, Lily continued to cling tightly to her wand in her pocket, any trust she had that the Slytherin wouldn't attack her outweighed by the vulnerable position she had put herself in in coming to the clearing in the first place and the shifting dangers of their world, but as the other teen caught her movements and turned on her in surprise it was almost hunger that she saw reflected in his expression as he stared back at her in shock.

The two stood frozen for several long moments before Severus broke the silence, disregarding the cold, challenging indifference in Lily's glare.

"I heard about your mother...I'm so sorry." He took a step towards her but his movements were matched as she backed away, and made no reply, silence falling again, though newly sparked with some sort of panicked energy, making it clearer than it had ever been that they had long ago passed the point of no return.

Lily's eyes blazed furiously.

"_I'll _go" she said finally, and turning her back on her old friend and the clearing in which they had spent many happy days she hurried into the trees and disappeared without a second glance, leaving her shoes lying in the grass.

"Lily" he called after her desperately, but it was far too late.


	12. Harry: Dedication

**I'll take the best of them with me, and lead by their example wherever I go. I have so much hate and fear and sadness, and I have lost so much, have watched so many give their lives for me, for this fight... but I don't want to walk around angry, because I know that all of them would want me to make the most of this chance I have at life, to live it everyday for them and to remember what they have sacrificed, and because I finally understand, there are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept, things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go. **


	13. Alice: What now?

I awake to the sound of rain fanning through the leaves of the tree that stands outside my bedroom window, the large one with the twisted branches and the angry scorch mark that will forever mar it's thick bark, reminding us that we weren't always safe here as we are now. I lie still as I often do, eyes shut as the adrenaline rushes through my body, my senses on full alert, searching, reaching out for anything that might be out of place. But of course there is nothing, this is just a paranoid habit I have developed through years of panic and unrest. As my breathing settles I reach out for my husband, but my hand falls through the air, my fingers curling in the still warm sheets on the other side of the bed, and finally I decide to open my eyes and I allow all the loss and sadness and pain to swim through my mind momentarily as I have been doing every morning since the end of october. This is my one moment of remembrance, when everything is still fresh in my mind, when my friends faces smile at me from the shadows of death. And then I drive the thoughts of Voldemort and the Order, Lily, James, Peter, Meadows, my cousins Gideon and Fabian, and all those who died back down again. Still there are others that take more work to repress but eventually even that traitor Black is little more than an afterthought as I drag myself from the warmth of the covers into the chilly morning air and dress, for today will be another day filled with hunting down the last of the death eaters who are fool enough to get caught. Then of course there will be the petty criminals and the paperwork but these are things that don't interest me. The world is slowly healing and I am grateful but I can't help but wonder, what next? After all the loss and suffering, after all we have been through, when our careers have been formed around the existence of this one true enemy, what will we do now? How will we as people recover?

My thoughts are broken by the faint sound of familiar footsteps on the landing and the door opens behind me as I wobble on one leg, untangling the pants that I had found discarded on the floor.

Finally managing it, I straighten and turn to find Frank standing in the doorway with that grim look on his face, wearing sweatpants and nothing else. He watches me with dark, somber eyes and it seems that this has become a habit of his, as if he has to make sure that he isn't dreaming, that we really did escape the end that so many of our loved ones suffered.

* * *

><p>Back again. Going to be out of town for a few weeks sans computer so It'll be a while til my next post, though I might do some tomorrow before I leave but that will be it for awhile. Anyway, I was going through the files in my trash before I deleted them and found this scene that I wrote a long time and completely forgot. I love Frank and Alice (pre insanity) but I must have thrown it out cause I didn't have plans to continue the story. Now I'm really glad I found it and I hope you like it.<p> 


	14. Marauders: On the line

The hooded figures moved through the dark with a stealthy grace and confidence, blending seamlessly into the fabric of the night as they made their way swiftly up the sleepy street and drew to a halt before the gate of the farthest house. It seemed a pleasant enough place to live. An old tyre swing hung limply from the branches of a thick tree, swinging lightly in the same breeze that rustled those same branches and blew dead leaves across the chilled ground. Light shone from the windows, throwing patches of the yard into relief, revealing the autumn colors of the grass and the front garden, but falling just short of reaching the three people who stood, silently taking in the house and it's surroundings.

A thin, feminine hand slid from the sleeve of one the visitors cloaks and closed on the top of the gate which stood unlatched, swinging in at the unnecessarily aggressive touch. The woman glanced over her shoulder at one of her partners and something clearly passed between them, though they exchanged no words, for as she turned back towards the house and made her way up the front walk the second person broke away from the other two and disappeared into the shadows at the side of the structure, headed for the only other exit at the back of the house. They had no intention of allowing the couple inside a means of escape.

The woman smiled to herself. She was about to teach that meddling little mudblood that not even the walls of the mad old fools castle would be able to truly protect her.

* * *

><p>"I assume you are responsible for this, Albus?" Barty crouch asked in a low voice. Lily ducked her head and pretended she wasn't listening, though really taking in every word as she stroked Fawkes' silky feathers.<p>

"I have a responsibility to my students Barty, and a number of them were violently attacked today within my reach. Professor Mcgonagall is transporting Mary Macdonald to St. Mungo's as we speak. She may not recover. Now I have to live with that, and I wasn't about to allow more unnecessary suffering or deaths right under my nose."

"Your little group of wannabe aurors are starting to get in the way of my team doing their jobs, Albus, and that is something I will be holding you responsible for!"

Dumbledore chuckled darkly. "If only you knew... Your aurors would have gotten there too late to do anything but damage control. My little group of wanabe aurors as you so dramatically put it just saved you from that much more publicity of the ministry's failure, and I think we'll all be hit hard enough after the prophet discovers what happened today."

"Yet your team didn't manage to stick around long enough to neutralize the death eaters who showed up at the Evans residence? Did you decide that actually capturing the death eaters wasn't worth the effort? You just let them waltz in and right back out again."

"It was a short notice emergency extraction of two defenseless people. Their safety was our top priority Barty, and with few available assets and even less time we decided that doing your job for you was going to have to wait until tomorrow, you needn't worry though, we will find them."

Crouch had gone red in the face. "Where are the Evans?" he demanded, sending Lily a sharp glance as though to insure she was still where he had left her, standing next to Fawkes' perch.

"They're safe" was Dumbledore's simple reply. "They will be relocated and won't be returning to their home anytime in the near future, but are otherwise just fine."

"I didn't ask you how they were doing and what their plans were, I asked you what you had done with them" Crouch snapped impatiently.

"Yes" Dumbledore replied slowly, "I noticed that. Anyway, we've determined that Ms. Evans' sister is secure for now at her own home but you might want to think about posting someone to her location as you have the resources to do that..."

Her family was safe. Her panic began to dissolve into guilty exhaustion. All of her energy had left her as the adrenaline rush had worn off, she was emotionally and physically drained, yet she had no desire to sleep. She wanted to talk to James and Sirius, she wanted to see her parents, make sure they were safe. She needed to see Mary before it was too late. She couldn't help but think that it could have been her, that it aught to have been. She rubbed her hands together absently, the dried mixture of blood and mud flaking off and floating to the floor.

The minister for magic had had much better things to do than spend the day at the school, looking into yet another incident involving an attack on muggle students. He had his own ideas of how to solve such problems but of course they weren't the type of thing you said aloud if you planned on running for office a second time.

He entered the hospital wing, which he remembered less than fondly from his own school days and caught sight of his young cousin who was perched on the end of the bed of another boy, a rather gaunt and scarred youth who appeared as though he hadn't eaten in days.

James was shirtless, and Madam Pomfrey was at work bandaging what was clearly an angry burn across his chest and shoulder. Still, he seemed not to notice his injuries as he chatted solemnly with the other boy.

The minister made to cross the floor, but was blocked a moment later by another dark haired boy.

"You must be Mr. Black" the minister said in mild irritation, not in the mood for conversation.

"I must be. Simply can't help it" the boy replied as the minister struggled to remember his name before deciding it wasn't really all that important.

"Yes, yes, good to see you my boy" he said distractedly, glancing over the Black boy's shoulder at James and the matron who had turned her flustered attentions on the occupant of the hospital bed. "I know your father quite well. Good man, generous..."

"And here I thought I couldn't respect you any less. Apparently I was wrong."

This caught the ministers attention and he turned back to Orion Black's son in muted astonishment.

"I beg your pardon" he asked sharply, marveling at the display of disrespect, but certain that he could not have heard properly.

"No need to beg" the boy informed him. "Won't do you any good anyhow.

Sirius was having fun infuriating the minister, and the weight on his chest was beginning to lift slightly as he found someone to target his frustrations at, when he had spent the last few hours trying to block the last expression on Mary's face from his mind. She had been so happy that day, smiling and laughing, and he had kissed her, but it had all been washed away by the look on her face as she had fallen, and it was like a knife through his heart every time he thought about it.

"Out of my way, boy" the minister snapped, having finally come to the conclusion that Sirius was no friend or admirer of his, but he grabbed the man's arm as he made to move around him and moved close enough so that his words wouldn't carry.

"I spent enough time in my parents house to know exactly who and what you are, minister" Sirius growled, saying the last word scornfully. "And don't think for a second that I'm not perfectly aware of your real opinions and strategies. Now, you had better do your job properly, and not let your own personal beliefs get in the way."

Sirius released the minister's arm and stepped back into his own personal space with satisfaction.

"Are you threatening me boy?" the man asked, his voice rising, but not enough that anyone besides Sirius could hear. He was clearly cautious that no one found out that he was as purist as any death eater and Sirius had every intention of using this secret to his advantage. He nodded, and the minister's face turned a satisfying shade of red.

"It's admirable this notion you have that you have nothing to lose" the minister said furiously but Sirius just shrugged and turned away to allow Madam Pomfrey to set his broken arm and clean the deep cut that ran from his elbow to his wrist, leaving the minister to flounder in his own anger.

James was filthy, rung out with fatigue. The last, unreal hours seemed to have transpired in a kind of trance. He hadn't eaten since breakfast, but the thought of food was impossible. Not that anyone was offering. He trailed after his cousin less than willingly as they wound their way in uncomfortable silence through the school, not even saying a word to his best friend who walked next to him, and he was unusually relieved to reach the stone gargoyle and ascend the spiral moving staircase to the door of Dumbledore's office. The minister pushed it open without knocking and the three of them entered the dimly lit room.

Dumbledore stood on one side of his desk facing Mr. Crouch who was looking rather livid, but it was Lily who drew his eye from across the room where she stood in the shadows, yet he could make out a good deal of the details that he would rather not have seen. Her lower lip was split, her teeth outlined with crusted blood. One eye, her left, was swollen shut with a huge purple shiner and her hair was matted with mud. Her arms were crossed tightly across her body as though she was literally trying to hold herself together, and she was eyeing the minister of magic with a hostility stronger even than what she had once reserved for him, which made him hate his cousin that much more.

"Minister" Dumbledore said by way of greeting. "Were just waiting for the aurors then are we?" he said casually, taking a seat at his desk, hands folded in his lap, observing them all in thoughtful silence. The minister glanced uncomfortably around the room and his gaze settled on Lily, who had crossed her arms and come forward nearer the center of the room, holding James' gaze with her own.

"Ms. Evans, is it?" the minister asked, causing the red head to look around at him instead, and James wanted to tell the man not to speak to her, that he had no right to address her or even to say her name. He mirrored Lily's crossed arms to stop himself from punching his cousin in the face or pulling out his wand to curse him. It seemed that he was feeling unusually aggressive and wondered when it would wear off.

"Take a seat" the minister said to Lily, gesturing to one of the high backed chairs that stood in front of Dumbledore's desk, but Lily's eyes narrowed at this as though she were trying to read some meaning behind his words that simply wasn't there, or perhaps she was having trouble focusing.

"I'll stand" she replied coldly, and James thought he caught a hint of a smile cross Dumbledore's face before there was a knock at the door, and Frank and Alice entered, effectively putting an end to the tension in the room as Frank shook hands all around, clapping James and Sirius on the back. James flinched, but a moment later Alice was hugging him tightly and he had to suck in a deep breath to keep himself from cursing in pain.


	15. Marauders: What starts as a conversation

Finally, mercifully Sirius withdrew his wand and allowed Peter to drag himself back to his feet before dropping into the large armchair by the fire, proudly ignoring his friends hysterical laughter as he straightened his clothes in a dignified manner.

"And to think this all started as your standard who would survive an inferi apocalypse debate" James said thoughtfully as he regained his breath and his ability to speak properly and in complete sentences.

"Can you imagine what would happen if we ever actually had a real conversation?" Remus asked, looking up from the overturned chess board as his friends fell into another wave of laughter.


	16. Lily E and Remus: Sleeping

"Remus, are you listening to me right now? Open your eyes. We only have few things left to go over. This is really important."

"I have a headache Lily, I'll finish studying tomorrow."

He could hear her pacing the room around where he was seated, a habit she had adopted when studying that he imagined made the practice quite a bit more difficult. The sound of pages rustling and turning told him she was still engrossed in reviewing the past years worth of notes that they would all have to go over within the next few weeks.

"I can't concentrate with your eyes closed."

Remus sighed. "That doesn't make any sense." She was clearly tense, and tense Lily had many annoying habits, like a near obsessive need for control, not that he could really blame her.

"When your eyes are closed it's like you're sleeping, and if you're sleeping it makes me want to sleep and I need to read another twenty one pages tonight if I plan on keeping on my proper study schedule" she snapped in a harassed voice.

"I'm not sleeping."

"How do I know that?" she demanded haughtily.

"Because were having this damn conversation!"


	17. Sirius Black: Chronicles of a lost boy

I'm sure my parents never wanted children. And if they did it did not come of love for them or a desire to nurture their own, but instead from a sense of responsibility, a misguided hope for the dwindling pureblood population. To my father I was one more soldier to carry on our family's solid lineage and to my mother I was little more than an irksome duty to perform. What they really wanted were carbon copies of themselves and they made no secret of it. In any case they most certainly did not want me.

There was a time that I, like all small children, worshipped the very ground my parents walked on. Like any boy I ran to my mother when I was hurt or afraid, I did my best to make my father proud and I strove to great lengths to be the son that they wanted me to be. But there comes a time for every child when they will question their parents and the ideas that have for so long been the very foundation of their world and for me this time came much sooner than it did for most.

I think it was there from the beginning, and maybe we all knew it and saw it, bubbling up somewhere just under the surface, the resentment and differences that would make me always a stranger in my own home and would later have me turning my back on all of them. And so it was at the ripe age of six that I would reject everything that my parents stood for, and the rift between myself and my family that would haunt me until my death at my cousin's hand began to take shape. It was for this reason that at seven years old I could be found sneaking out to visit the muggle girl who lived down the street, and I'm afraid to admit that it might have been due to my own ignorance and naivety that she disappeared that summer never to be seen again, bringing me to realize just how far the prejudices of my bloodline could go. At nine I set fire to what for lack of a better word would be called my parent's library, but was truly a compilation of my father's books and studies on family trees, blood purity and the inferiority of all things muggle. I began to destroy precious heirlooms that had been passed from father to son and mother to daughter for hundreds of years. I would disappear for days at a time without a word to anyone, returning from my adventures with further knowledge of where I came from and what I was seen to stand for. And yet I was still so young, the spoiled child of important people, with no grasp of the complexities of the games I was playing. I could spend my parents money and come and go as I pleased, unaffected and untouched by any because of the name that I held, a name that I would spend the rest of my life slowly chipping away at until there was nothing left of it, until all it was was a line in a history book, until every item had been sold or stolen, all else left to a half blood boy who despised their views as much as I did and fulfilled my dream by dismantling that which remained of my parents and selling it off in pieces. He was and is all that is left of my true family, and if for nothing else, I am truly grateful to Harry for this, for keeping me alive, both before and after I stopped breathing.

Anyway, it soon became clear that even as a relatively harmless but rather mischievous boy I was becoming a liability to everything my house stood for and finally the point came when my parents stopped forcing me to attend family or social affairs and showing me off to their friends, favoring my oh so perfect brother instead. I had become the pariah of the Black clan, and was proud of it.

And so, keeping on course with the person I was quickly becoming I found myself sitting on a stool in the great hall, listening to a hat tell me and then announce to the rest of the world exactly what I had known for years, that I was nothing like them. It was official and unavoidable. I became a Gryffindor, sealing any last chance at redemption I might have had in my parents eyes. I remember that day more clearly than any of those that preceded it, and I can honestly say there were no days before that, and very few after that I would ever find myself quite as happy as I was then, from the moment I stepped on the Hogwarts Express on platform nine and three quarters, leaving behind everything but my name, to the very last instant before I gave in to my dreams in a dark dormitory with three new friends who expected nothing more from me than what I had to give.

What I remember most perhaps is the power of the silence in the hall as I pulled the hat from my head, and turned without being able to help myself to look at the Slytherin table, where a large number of students bore the same name as I did, and each of them looking back at me with a mixture of shock and shame. I had crossed a line, done damage that could not be repaired, that I honestly had no intention of fixing. And I stood there that day for the briefest of moments, though it seemed at the time to be hours, and I looked from Bellatrix with her crazy burning eyes, up at the old man who offered me a wink and a nod, and I couldn't help but smile as I hammered the last nail into my coffin and turned to join the Gryffindors.

And so, as for my godson decades later Hogwarts became my salvation, as did James, Remus and yes even Peter, who would one day destroy me and tear out my very heart and soul but at the time was simply a misunderstood boy not unlike myself, who was looking for something that I had to offer.

I had managed to disregard my heritage, tossed asside my parents old fashioned views and found a place far from my past where I could be a friend and a classmate before I was a Black. But all of this certainly didn't mean I was becoming someone I could be entirely proud to be. Sure, I had escaped the grasp of the pure evil that had fought since my birth to get ahold of me, but there remained many things that I was still too young to understand, some of which would escape me until my death.

James and I at least quickly rose through the ranks of students, pulling Remus and Peter in our wake perhaps, never allowing them to walk away clean but also doing our best to create a wall between the four of us and the rest of the world that had done each of, with the possible exception of James, so much damage.

It's strange to look back on those days and note the strength of the connection that grew so quickly between us four boys. I always wondered if without James we would have come to anything at all, for despite his happy, spoiled upbringing, or perhaps due to it, James became a truly remarkable person, collecting us misfits and outcasts around him, bringing out both the best and the worst in each of us, because there's no denying that the four boys who were bound together by fate on that day when we were eleven years were not your average group of childhood friends.

The teachers didn't know what to make of us of course, as James and I drew top scores with no evidence of any commitment to our studies or even to paying attention in class, and then there was Remus, the quiet hard working werewolf who was so unlike what any of them were expecting and who stuck by us for some unknown reason no matter what trouble we were getting ourselves into. And Peter, a rather slow and timid boy who I would later realize was merely drawn to us as he was to anyone who could offer him protection and a feeling of power.

You certainly get used to having things your own way, to be the one that the others look up too for any number of reasons, and of course it quickly went to our heads. We were discovering the world and ourselves through rose colored glasses. We could do anything, be anyone. We were indestructible and we began to seek out more and more those things that would be off limits to anyone else. We were bored with the simplicity of school and the bubble that had been built up around us. Nightime wanderings under the invisibility cloak, jinxing Severus and other unsuspecting victims and sneaking into Hosmeade was no longer enough for us. We wanted more and had every intention of taking it. It had become our right and so the marauder's map came under development, extending our exploration of the school to every last corner and tunnel. James fell in love with Lily, his first real challenge, and around the same time another little side project of ours finally came to success and Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail finally joined Moony is his monthly transformations. Life couldn't have been better than it was then and certainly never would be. My family, Remus' lycanthropy, Peter's weakness, it was all left on the outside, seemingly so far away, unable to penetrate the world that we had so easily created for ourselves inside the walls of the castle.

I would have to say that my sixth year of school would be the one that I am least proud of, eventful as it was, the year that I left my parents house forever, the last time I said so much as word to my mother, father or the younger brother I had once tried to salvage from the damage of our youth.

Firstly, an unfortunate event and my own nasty intentions led to my very nearly uncovering all that we had done, the near death of another student and my friend being used with unspeakable motives, almost making him a killer if not for James' quick action. Needless to say, sending Snape to visit a transformed moony was a vicious and horrible thing to do on my part, and could have led to expulsion if not for Dumbledore's leniency which I think may have come down to plans that he already had for our futures.

Others were less forgiving. I spent two months in detention and my friends didn't speak to me for at least as long... which unfortunately brings me to what could easily mark the true end of our youthful indiscretions and innocence, exposing us to the worsening condition of the world beyond the walls of the school, and the cloud that would hang over all of us for the rest of our lives.

It was a saturday. I only remember as it was a Hogsmeade weekend and I had gone into the village on my own as my friends were still refusing to forgive me for what I had done. To be honest I hadn't forgiven myself. My life was falling apart around me and I was giving in to a despair and fury that I had been fighting for years, lashing out at the world when I had no friends to turn to.

I found a surprising ally that day, sitting alone in the back corner of the three broomsticks, staring at me with those haunting emerald eyes, giving me that look she had, as though she knew everything, and maybe she did, for Evans didn't miss much, and was really quite as sure as herself as James and I were, though she used her talents in a different way than we did in those days.

I don't know why or how I ended up talking to her that day. We certainly weren't close. From day one we disliked each other, mistrusted one another, even as James committed to winning her over with a willingness that he had never offered to any real assignment.

Whatever it was, on that day we ended up talking, and walking, and she explained things to me that she certainly shouldn't have known, and she let me talk without a single insult, and I came to know her for the person that she truly was, rather than the annoying Snivellus lover and goody two shoes that she had been to me since our first train ride.

We were all deeply wounded that day, but Lily was the only one to bear any true physical scars. You see, we were the perfect targets as we turned off the main road, headed nowhere in particular, deep in conversation as we. I was a blood traitor who had lived for six years wondering when someone might come with some sort of vengeance or punishment or whatever you want to call it. She was the muggle born who put everything they believed in at risk, who shouldn't have existed at all.

Death eaters, half a dozen of them, coming down on you from all sides. For all our self confidence and competence neither of us had any clue how to handle a real life situation, had never faced a true threat.

Fear is a strange thing. Fight or flight, but we were hardly in a position to escape which left us with only one option. Unarmed, we stood there looking at each other and I remember thinking that if we ever managed to survive this we would have a very different relationship, for the determination in her eyes disproved every negative thought I had ever had about Lily Evans. And with that I sunk my fist into the face of the nearest death eater. Interestingly, when you have nothing to lose it becomes quite a bit easier to risk your life to save yourself or someone else.

I still wonder about the timing of that day, and the coincidences that meant all the difference between our deaths and our survival. For example, James, Remus, Peter and the rest of the Gryffindor quidditch team appearing at the end of the very lane where we had just been ambushed.

Hogsmeade became the scene of a brutal battle between death eaters and students that day, and it wasn't until teachers and locals began to appear that Voldemorts followers took their leave. But long before that it was James' appearance with the others behind him that allowed Lily and I to regain our own wands and we turned together into the first of many very real battles for our lives.

It wasn't until much later that we learned that some of those against whom we fought were themselves students who had attacked us as an initiation, but that day, as the dust cleared around us, as Hagrid, McGonagall and Aberforth became the first friendly adult faces on scene all I remember is seeing Lily lying in a pool of her own blood, and I remember wondering in my shock how hers looked any different from my own, seeping from a gash on my arm.

Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey fixed her up within minutes of course, but the damage was done. All future Hogsmeade weekends were cancelled and even years later I can recall the thin white scars stretched across Lily's swollen belly the first time that she felt Harry kicking inside of her, and the look of pure joy on her face, that had been so solemn for so long.

The only good thing that came of that day was my friends forgiveness, brought on by exposure to a challenge that for the first time none of us had been prepared to face, and yet we had stood against it together and had lived, and that shook and changed each of us in our own way.

We realized then just what our pettiness was costing us and what we would have to do in facing the kind of threat that we hadn't really known existed until then. That day shaped us as much as the one on which we had met, or the day when we had earned Remus' trust enough that he had admitted that our suspicions had been accurate. Sometime in between all those days we had become a family and from then on we would have very little else to rely on. The seemingly solid ground was splitting beneath our feet and it was only by hanging onto each other that we managed not to slip through the cracks.

It seemed however that we hadn't entirely learned our lesson. Our school years came to an end with each of us fighting to exert our independence while we still had a leg to stand on. I thanked the Potter's and moved into a flat with a healthy inheritance from my one sane uncle. I also purchased a flying motorcycle through less than legal channels.

We spent the nights of our last summer straying from our comfort zones, drinking too much and doing other immature things, and the days pretending that everything was just as it had always been, denying the inevitable perhaps. It was as though our youth had an expiration date and as eager as we were, a certain wistfulness hung around us that whole summer, at the end of which Lily finally accepted James' invitation to go on a date, that turned into two and then three and then history and we returned to school wondering who might have disappeared or died while we were looking the other way and where we were supposed to go from there. We were already wondering, what we could do, how we could fight. There would be no plush jobs in offices at the ministry or in cozy little shops. We all had the same goal, our group anyway, and as with most of our objectives it took us very little time to come up with a solution.


	18. Marauders: In the Rain

"There they are" Peter pointed out urgently, gesturing down the bustling street. James looked up from the window that he had casually been peering into while really using the glass to pick up a reflection of the two men who were seated in the pub across from them. He brushed dripping hair from his eyes and followed his friend's line of sight, a blowing rain lashing at his face as he turned.

A gust of wind brought damp leaves up at them from the gutter, one hitting Peter in the face, causing him to curse loudly, earning disapproving looks from the people who hurried past, going about their business with umbrellas and newspapers clutched tightly above their heads.

Sirius was trotting next to Remus as any good dog would, though he was larger than one might expect of a pet. He padded along with his tail held high, his black fur ruffled up thick against the rain. He looked all too comfortable next to the rest of them huddled in their soaked cloaks and boots. He veered off into the alley next to them and reemerged a moment later in human form, shaking his head in a very canine way, sending water flying from his overgrown mop of hair.

"Well?" Remus demanded, clearly miserable, his already threadbare clothing failing to provide him with the necessary protection from the pressing damp.

"We've been following these morons all day" Sirius complained, slouching against the window beneath the tiny awning that they had taken shelter under.

"They're obviously not doing anything, or we would have seen. Also I bloody hate muggle London. I think Moody's just making us- arg!"

A sheet of freezing, muddy water rolled over them as a car skidded to a stop at the curb. Not that they could be any wetter, yet James couldn't help but curse loudly, offending a little old lady who hurried past them shooting dark looks over her shoulder and muttering about hooligans.

"Oi, get in!"

Despite the noise in the busy street, all four of them jumped at the sound of Lily's voice issuing from the offending vehicle. She was settled in the driver's seat, motor running, looking entirely like a muggle teenaged girl behind the wheel of her daddy's car.

"I've always wanted to try one of these" Sirius informed them in fascination as they crowded around the passenger side window to peer inside.

Lily grinned. "Flying motorcycle doesn't cut it for you?" she asked. When they continued to stare she rolled her eyes. "You look like a bunch of idiots, either get in or don't, but then you're walking."

James slid into the passenger seat as the other three crowded into the back. It was wonderful to be out of the cold and they each went immediately about drying their clothing as Lily pulled out into traffic.

"So where did you get it?" Sirius demanded.

James caught Lily's half smile. "The order acquired it" she said mysteriously. "Comes in handy too, the last thing the death eaters expect is another wizard driving around in an old beater."

"An old what?" James responded eagerly.

"Never mind."

"Does it do anything…anything special I mean?" Peter asked, stroking the worn leather of the seat until Sirius punched him in the arm.

"It drives, and it's warm and dry" Lily replied. "So how have you lot been enjoying your day? Moody told me he had you following a couple of his old ministry mates around all day?"

She laughed as all four of them cursed.

"I knew it" Sirius snapped. "I told you there was nothing to them. Death eaters my flea infested fur, they were ancient."

"What would you have done if you had known anyway?" Lily asked. "Moody told you to follow them, and we all know you aren't just walking away from that. And there was a point you know" she said, glancing sideways so that James' eyes met hers momentarily before she refocused on the road ahead of her. He was beginning to feel rather sea sick himself as she wound through traffic and couldn't help but miss his broomstick despite the rain.

"Surveillance is an important skill, so if they had noticed you…well it seems you passed anyway cause Moody sent me to bring you home."

The car jerked to a stop behind a large truck and Lily lay on the horn.

"Do you actually have a.. you know…whatsit?" Sirius asked her once they had started moving again.

Lily snorted. "A license? Of course not" she said indifferently, weaving her way through the traffic ahead of them.


	19. Lily: Shadows

The green cloak was thick and warm, but it sat on her shoulders like air, hood pulled low to shield her face while the hem brushed her ankles as she slid through the shadows.

Night had settled early over the alley, darkening further as she had made her way through the tavern, earning a glimmer of recognition as Tom glanced up at her entrance, but for what she was sure was the first time since the day they had met he did not greet her by name, nor smile and offer her a drink. On her part, she had offered the slightest nod, and moments later had found herself in the alley, tapping her wand lightly against what seemed like solid brick that gave way at her touch, revealing the world behind it, dimmer and sadder than it had been mere weeks earlier. Few people kept to the streets, and those that did offered wary looks at those they passed, hurrying about their business in tight pairs or groups, untrusting of strangers. Many of the shops were closed or boarded up and posters advertised blurry images of angry death eaters and others wanted by the ministry.

She kept to the edges of the lane, blending into the darkness, so much a part of the night that many of those who hurried past her didn't even notice her presence, just as she wanted. The fewer people who saw her there, the safer they would all be, and the better off she would be. She kept her wand clutched tightly in hand as she moved, not knowing which of the strangers she passed was not there just for the shopping.

Movement in a doorway caused her to jump and turn, but it was just a cat, as startled by her appearance as she had been by his. The creature hissed and tore past her, taking off up the quiet street. She took a moment to collect herself, allowing her heartbeat to return to its usual steady adrenaline pumping rush, and then she headed back out on her way.

She could hear the owls hooting as she passed the menagerie, but the sound was soothing, as comforting as that of the owlery at Hogwarts, where she had often spent time when she didn't want to be found, just as she needed to go unnoticed now, another piece of the shadows.

She knew exactly where to stop, where to wait, melting further into her surroundings, camouflaged against the dark stone at her back. She noted every sound, every shadow, movement, and every inch of the area around her, eyes adjusting further to the surrounding darkness and the dim light shed by the half moon that hung in the sky high above her. She measured each breath and every heartbeat, felt the light breeze on her cheeks and the chill of the stones. She didn't move so much as a muscle for nearly an hour; her feet well placed in her worn dragon hide boots, her body warmed by her magic cloak.

She was beginning to think that she had come too late, but a moment after the thought the door nearest her position opened, shedding brief light across the street, yet not touching the carefully chosen position where she stood. She heard low voices saying final words and then another shadow joined her on the street, pulling a cloak up over thinning dark hair and a broad face. Quick footsteps padded lightly away from her, yet her own made no sound as she followed, quiet as a ghost, unseen even when the figure she trailed looked around him suspiciously, eyeing the street with nervous dislike and fear. She didn't bother to duck out of sight, for he saw what he wanted to see, and that was nothing, and even if he did she was just a young woman, hurrying home after a long day, as afraid of the dark as he was, rather than part of it.

They had almost reached the end of the alley from which Lily had come before a third person appeared on the street ahead of them, little more than a hag, swathed in rags, heavy chains hung around it's neck, coins jingling in the pockets of it's robes. It was a lumpy creature, shuffling along, but every second step was the hollow sound of wood on stone, muffled by the slippers that were just visible under the hem of the hag's robes.

Lily sped up, closing in on the man ahead of her even as he slowed at the sight of the stranger. Still he didn't hear her or sense her presence, focused on the only threat he could see, as it turned towards him in passing, reached out.

She caught a flash of blue from beneath the hood of the hag's robes and knew for certain that she was no longer alone.

A thick hand closed around the man's wrist, and he made a fearful choking sound.

"Care to protect yourself from the darkness?" a wicked voice whispered from the hag's wrappings as it dangled a shiny medallion in his face.

The man seemed to pull himself together in that moment, but Lily was faster. As the man jerked his hand from the hag's grip and reached for his wand, overcome by fear and paranoia, her own wand dug into the cloth and flesh at the back of his neck.

"Don't," she ordered clearly and firmly. He gave a small squeak of fear, but his hand kept moving to the pockets of his heavy robes. She resisted the urge to sigh at his stupidity as he collapsed in the street at her feet.

The hag chuckled and reached both gnarled hands up to lower it's hood, revealing Moody's blue eyes, one electric and spinning, making her dizzy as it swept the street continuously, the other set on her and the man at her feet. He nodded.

"They never do listen" he said, nudging the unconscious man with his wooden and slippered foot.


	20. James: Cousins

James settled into one of the elaborate high backed chairs, surprised to find that it was hard and uncomfortable despite the elegant cushions and colorful furs that decorated the seats along the high table. He looked on as at least two dozen house elves scurried around the floor below him, many of them appearing as no more than trays with legs as they balanced the large platters on their small heads and hands, many of the dishes wider than the elves were tall and supported by three or four of them at once. He was surprised to find that they paid him no notice as they hurried about their tasks, or else they knew just why he was there and what he had come for.

"Cousin!"

The dark haired young woman had thrown her arms around his neck before he had even fully risen from his place at the table, returning her hug with one arm. She was a flurry of color and activity in her bright yellow sundress, moving again before they had fully let go of each other.

"We were all beginning to think you had gotten yourself killed," she told him casually as though they were discussing something as mundane as the weather. Come on then," she ordered, without letting him say a word, pulling him by the arm and leading him down from the dais and through the tables that had been set up beneath the pavilion, house elves parting before them in waves, some bowing, others simply scurrying out of the way to avoid being stepped on by his cousin's quick feet. James was more careful not to tread on any tiny elf toes, and a moment later they had left the entire set up behind, coming out into the garden that had been more simply decorated with fairies and streamers.

"You really know how to throw a party," he offered when they were finally alone and she had let go of him to cross her arms and look him over properly like a mother hen inspecting her young.

She laughed, a bubbly, uplifting sound that made everyone fall in love with her instantly, so innocent and light, perfectly in balance with her appearance, whereas James knew better than that.

"High praise from the likes of you," she said. "Though it seems as though you aren't planning to stick around for the show."

She was right of course. He hadn't bothered to shed the heavy cloak he had thrown on in snowy London that morning, and he wasn't about to either, despite the fact that it was hanging heavy and hot on his shoulders with the change of climate, sweat trickling between his shoulder blades even as he stood in the shade. He had no intention of being there any longer than was absolutely necessary.

"I wish I could. It's truly beautiful, but I have other things to get done before the end of the day. Urgent things," he added, as though this would make her more likely to believe him.

"Liar," she said with a wicked grin, tapping her head with one finger. "Remember that I can read what you're thinking as easily as I hear what you say. I know what you actually came for. Come on then," she said, completely unoffended, and without a backwards glance she headed towards the large stone manor that belonged to her parents.

"Don't worry," she called over her shoulder when he hesitated to follow after her, "There's no one around at the moment so you won't have to make up any excuses or small talk."

He was nearly as familiar with the large house as he would have been in his own, having spent so much of his pre Hogwarts years playing there with his cousins, hiding in shadowy, long forgotten corners and cupboards, and playing at being monsters and dark wizards in the sprawling gardens. Now of course such games had lost their appeal, and seemed almost ironic in remembering. For all the times that they had feigned dying and killing within the walls of their own homes, Michael was now dead for real and for all James knew the rest of them would soon follow.

Lexi led him through the large, airy kitchen and the twisting corridors beyond, up a winding staircase. She stayed quiet for most of the climb, and he didn't know whether she was thinking about the day ahead of her or if she had been listening to his own thoughts about her brother. Either way, he made to break the silence when they passed by the closed door that had once led to Michael's bedroom.

"I'm sorry it had to be today," he offered. Lexi waved a hand over her shoulder dismissively. "It's just a wedding, James, it doesn't take all day, and neither will this. Besides, with Henry gone to fetch his parents, and my own parents in the office for most of the day I've been sitting on my hands all morning. Besides, it's good to see you if only for a minute. I think the last time we really spoke was Michael's funeral."

Her voice remained light, but there was an edge to it still, a painful topic. They reached the end of the hall and she pushed open the door to what had once been her own bedroom, though it had since been stripped bare, and a desk, an old bookshelf filled with dusty volumes as thick as his head, among a number of other items, had been shoved up between the window and the empty bedframe, turning it into a storage room as Lexi no longer lived with her parents. It was well lit however, and a space had been cleared around a full-length mirror where his cousin's wedding dress and a jumble of other supplies had been laid out in preparation.

As James shut the door behind them, Lexi wasted no time in crossing the room and lifting the skirts of the white dress that waited for her, pulling a thick bundle of parchment from within the folds of the gown. She passed them to him and he tested the weight in his arms. It was more than they had been hoping for, and would be invaluable as well.

"Did you have any trouble getting ahold of these?" he asked, honestly bewildered at his cousin's abilities.

Lexi snorted derisively. "Please," she said, offended. "I could walk into the department of mysteries without getting caught if I wanted to. I'm a ghost James. And if someone does see me…" She left that up to his imagination.

"Well, I'm grateful for your help. Really, the order owes you one."

Lexi grinned again, as easily as when they were children, though her newer smiles seemed somehow forced and slow on the uptake compared to those of the little girl he remembered.

"If Dumbledore was truly so grateful he'd be willing to part with one of those ancient bottles of goblin made wine he's got. Don't do anyone any good sitting on a shelf collecting dust. I remember we used to try and break into his office to steal them…" she said, and James knew that she was thinking of Michael again, and the trouble they had always gotten up too. Somewhat older than James, they had been both role models and partners in crime for most of his life. Michael's death had cut him deep and he couldn't even imagine how it had felt for Lexi.

"I'll be sure to tell him. Did you ever manage it?" he asked, breaking through her thoughts.

"Never so much as got past those bloody stone gargoyles, the cheeky bastards. Even when we had the password they saw right through us. Was probably for the best anyway. If we had made it through, we would have been in more trouble than it was worth. You lot ever manage it?" she asked.

James shook his head, smiling. "Never even thought to try. I suppose we spent enough time in that office as it was, didn't need to sneak in cause we'd already had enough of it."

"I don't doubt it."

There was a quick knock on the door. Lexi glanced at him, and he quickly tucked the bundle of parchment into the inside pocket of his robes, making them weigh that much heavier and bulkier on his shoulders.

"Come in" Lexi called when they were stashed away, and the door swung open to reveal a small, shriveled house elf with large, close set eyes, large ears , one of which stuck up in the air while the other bent halfway up to point back down at the ground, and an almost non existent nose like a button.

"Hello Ollie" James sayed to the familiar old elf.

"Master James" she replied by way of greeting, in a high, reedy voice. She turned to Lexi. "Your friends have begun to arrive miss" she informed them, "They have insisted on coming to disturb you and master James though Ollie suggested that they wait downstairs" she said in a concerned voice.

Lexi chuckled. "It's alright Ollie," she told the elf, who nodded, bowed to James once more and slipped from the room.

James could already hear footsteps, laughter and excited voices from the other end of the house as his cousin's friends approached.

"I think that's my cue to leave" he said.

"Of course," Lexi said sarcastically, "You wouldn't want to stick around long enough to run into someone you might know, or worse, your parents" she said.

"I'm sorry" he told her again. "I really should stay, and I would have liked to."

She shook her head. "It's alright, really. I would love for you to stay, but I'd also love to have Michael here as well. You simply can't have everything that you want."

She hugged him again, more tightly than before, her smile gone as they separated.

"He would have liked Henry" James told her, unable to think of something better to say, but this proved to be the right thing as her smile returned.

"You think so?" she asked. "He used to curse the boys that I brought home. Scared most of them away," she remembered with a smile.

He didn't bother reminding her that he had often been part of those pranks. He thought was better left out of the recollection.

"Definitely, he's perfect for you. I'm sure Michael would approve. He'd want you to be happy Lex, and so do I."

She kissed his cheek, tears in her eyes.

"Give Lily and the others a kiss for me," she said finally, "And tell Remus that just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I've given up on him."

"I'm sure he'll be relieved to hear that" James laughed.

"I'm sure he won't be."

The voices had reached the corridor outside the door. He was out of time. The last thing he needed was for everyone to know that he had been there, raising questions as to why he hadn't stayed for the wedding.

"See you soon," he said, squeezing her hand.

"I hope you mean that" she said, with a mock sternness to her voice.

He winked and turned on the spot.

A moment later he was strolling down an empty alleyway on the east side of London, suddenly grateful for his heavy clothing, even as the bundle he carried in his pocket bounced against his knee uncomfortably with every second step he took, raindrops falling thick and angry, making his hair stick to his head.

He came out onto the open street and cut across two slow lanes of traffic, jumping over deep puddles to reach the small dark tavern on the other side. People hurried past without stopping or even noticing the place, clutching hats to their heads and umbrellas in their hands, desperate to escape the rain. None of them even glanced his way despite his conspicuous wizard robes. He wondered what any of them might think were he to tell them that minutes before he had been surrounded by blue skies and countryside.

He didn't mean to feel guilty about missing his cousin's wedding, but he knew that with everything she had done for him, and with Michael dead, the least he could have done was be there for her…

"Are you planning to come inside or were you trying to drown yourself?" a voice at his shoulder asked, surprising him. "I'd much rather you didn't," Lily added. "Are you alright?" she asked.

He turned, shaking off his dark mood. "Much better now" he told her with a small smile. The rain was falling down on her head, dripping down her long red hair and running down her cheeks.

"Did you get it?" she asked.

He made a face. "Is that what's most important right now?"

Lily smiled. "Shall we start again?" she asked coyly, playing along with him.

He slipped his arms around her waist, drawing her closer.

"Hi," she said. They were so close that the word was warm against his cheek. He answered her with a kiss.


	21. Marauders: Secret passage

_"James! Hold up!"_

"Hurry up Wormtail!" the head boy called over his shoulder as the small group cut through a shortcut behind a tapestry of an angry looking unicorn, coming out on the next floor.

"Did you see the first years as Hagrid brought them in?" Remus was saying, "Barely fifteen of them."

"Scrawny looking bunch too" James said, brows furrowed, glancing down at the map as they turned a corner. "Not much to look forward to in the way of new Quidditch talent."

Remus frowned but ignored the comment. "Not only that, but a fair chunk of the older students are missing as well. Best case scenario their parents were just afraid and chose to keep them home. It's going to be a rough year for everyone."

"All the more reason to have a good night" Sirius threw in with a grin.

It was Lily's turn to frown. "Do you two ever take anything seriously? Not everything is about quidditch and partying" she snapped in frustration.

"Oh, I'm very Sirius" he replied, dodging her blow with a laugh. "Come on Evans, nothing we can do about any of it right now, so you might as well make the most of this. Can't fool us anymore either unless you plan on erasing the last two months. We all know you're capable of having a good time, or have you forgotten August 4th?"

Lily blushed and James coughed loudly from the head of the group.

"What happened August 4th?" Peter demanded, having been stuck at home for most of the summer before his seventeenth birthday when he had been allowed the first of several tries before he finally managed to pass his apparition test.

"Sorry Wormtail, were not supposed to speak of it" Sirius said solemnly, "but I'll tell you later."

Lily rolled her eyes and hurried to catch up to James.

"Where are we going?" she demanded, "We should really be getting back soon. Were head boy and girl, we'll be missed soon."

James shrugged indifferently.

"We made our appearance. McGonagall knows were not dead in a ditch somewhere, and we'll be back in an hour or two-"

"An hour or two?" she spluttered.

"We'll be back before were missed, just in time to watch the prefects do their jobs, get the party going in the common room and convince the first years, if there are any this year mind you, that they're going to have to fight a troll in their first lesson." He glanced sideways, catching her expression. "Only joking. Here we are."

They had come to a halt next to an ugly stone statue of a fat wizard with a self satisfied smirk on his face.

"Where?" Lily asked in confusion, looking around at the closed doors in the corridor around them, but the four boys were all focused on the statue.

"Lily, meet Gregory the Smarmy" James said, hand resting on the worn stone head. "Gregory, this is Lily Evans."

" Old Greg here is one of our most trusted friends" Sirius added.

"Is this a joke?" Lily demanded, looking to Remus for an explanation, who shook his head with a sardonic smile.

"Wormtail, would you do the honors?" James said, gesturing his friend forward. Peter stepped up, tapped the stone twice with his wand and muttered something indistinguishable under his breath. She watched in amazement as the stone man slid suddenly to the side, revealing a tunnel in the wall behind him.

"Oh, hell no!" she said, drawing amused looks. "This goes to Hogsmeade, doesn't it? This is how you lot always came back with stuff from the village last year. That's what you're planning for your party tonight." She stared into the dark hole, then rounded on James. "You're head boy, and this is certainly against school rules! You know you shouldn't be doing this." But even as she said it she realized who she was talking to and what the words meant, making him smile all the wider. And some part of her…

"And you're head girl" he replied easily, "But you're also a Gryffindor and I know you well enough to know that you're dying to go down there" he said. " Besides, why do the passageways exist if not for us to use?"

"Passageways?" she asked. There's more?"

"Certainly" he replied, as though it was a ridiculous question. "So… After you." He gestured into the hole.

"I am not going first" she informed him stubbornly; crossing her arms, ignoring how quickly she had given in.

"Don't trust us?" James asked.

"Of course not."

James laughed, then frowned down at the map.

"Fine" he said, "But we has best make it quick" he suggested, "We aren't the only ones wandering the halls. Moony, care to take the lead?"

She watched Remus duck and head into the tunnel, followed closely by Peter and Sirius, who winked at her as he disappeared.

"Well then?" James asked, eyebrows raised, challenging her. She eyed him for a moment, then turned and headed in after the others, assaulted almost instantly by the smell of the dampness below, centuries worth of mold and something that might have once been alive.

She felt James enter the tunnel close behind her, then she guessed that the statue had slid back into place as the light disappeared and they were engulfed in the stifling darkness.

"Scared?" he taunted her, lighting his wand so they could see where they were going.

Lily snorted derisively, drawing her own wand. "You wish, Potter."


	22. Marauders: Playing games

"This isn't a game, Sirius!" Lily hissed impatiently into the darkness, the people around her little more than shadows under the heavy canopy above them, illuminated briefly as wand light fell over faces and feet.

"Well I guess that explains why I'm not having any fun," he shot back, back to her as he scanned the area with sharp eyes, uneasy. He wasn't the only one to note the deadly silence of the trees around them. Mid summer and not a bird or a breath of wind, as though a blanket had been laid over the forest in a chokehold of silence that made the hair on the back of their necks stand up.

"Is everything a joke to you?" she asked, illuminating the ground at her feet so as not to trip over roots of fallen branches.

"Funny stuff is, " he replied easily, shrugging as he turned back to look at her.

"Will you stop kidding around?" she demanded. It seemed wrong somehow that they were there, and Sirius' light attitude was out of place as arms of fog wrapped around the trunks of trees, reaching out as if to swallow them whole.

"Hey, do I begrudge you your coping mechanisms?" he asked, but Remus cut through their back and forth before she had a chance to reply.

"Anyone have a bad feeling about this?" he asked in little more than a whisper.

"Yup" James said from behind them.

"Definitely" Peter agreed.

"That's what I thought."

Lily glanced at the sky. Somewhere above her she knew it was nearing dawn, yet the trees blocked out every speck of light as though the whole world had gone dark…


	23. Marauders: Respect your enemy

"Looks like things are about to get interesting," James said, giving confidence a stab.

"If this is interesting then I think I'm a fan of tedium," Remus replied as they circled in back to back, as though this would offer them any more protection form the shadows that seemed to have erupted from the mist but were horribly and terrifyingly alive and intent on killing them. Lily felt James' back press against her shoulder on one side as Remus knocked into her on the other. She tried to draw confidence that they had all survived this long and that there was no one else she would rather die with. It didn't help much.

"Thought you could just come waltzing into our forest, easy as you please, did'ya? Can't decide if you lot are brave or stupid?" the tall death eater said in a mocking tone, walking around them, so close that they were forced to draw tighter still to avoid him brushing against them.

"Is it strictly an either or situation?" James asked with stubborn bravado.

The death eater gave a hacking laugh. "You know I respect you lot," he said thickly. "What?" he said, correctly interpreting their silent skepticism at his comment. "I do. So here's the deal. You tell us everything that we want to know and we'll kill you nice and clean right here and now…but you jerk us around and you'll all be begging to die before the night is up." His voice was ominously dark. Lily found that she was holding her breath and let it out in a rush, reminding herself that she was still alive and had to keep breathing. She felt James' hand groping for hers and she took it, intertwining her fingers with his, feeling his heartbeat in his fingers, and she drew strength from him.

"Were going to have to go with option B" she informed him. James' hand tightened around her.

"Yeah" Sirius agreed, "Were definitely going to jerk you around."

The death eater chuckled softly and eerily. "They always start off with bravado," he told them, "The begging comes later, sometime before the dying."….


	24. Sirius and Lily: Standards

Lily rolled her eyes and slid from the booth with a frustrated sigh.

"You're really going to leave me here to drink alone?" Sirius demanded, throwing back most of his firewhiskey in one satisfying gulp that burned all the way down.

"Oh please," she said disdainfully, "there will be a girl at this table before I cross the bar."

He grinned, pleased with her answer and she headed across the nearly empty room, still earning suspicious glances from patrons who would be considered more suspicious then her in anyone's opinion and joined her friends at the bar. Glancing over her shoulder she spotted an older blonde girl standing at the table that she had just abandoned. She watched as Sirius stood and the two of them headed out the door without a backwards glance.

It was a whole ten minutes before he was back, again vying for Lily's attention with no other familiar faces in the room.

"I did not expect to see you again so soon," Lily teased, pushing empty tankards aside to make another place at the bar.

"She couldn't remember the name of the last book she read…Even I have standards," he said with a boyish grin.

Lily laughed. "You know what I like about you? You're smarter than you look and act."

"Oh, well now you're just flirting with me."


	25. Remus: Bender

"What happened to you?" James asked, relaxing as his eyes moved from the bottle in his friend's hand to his bloodshot eyes and mussed hair and clothing.

"I found a pub...and I drank it," Remus replied with the deliriousness of someone who hasn't slept in days.

"You look worse than after the full moon," Sirius informed him. "Don't let Lily see you like that, you know how she gets. She was worried about you, you know."

"And the rest of you?"

James shrugged. "There was no dead body so we figured you were alright."

The door swung open and they all looked around guiltily as the red head appeared, taking in the scene, eyes honing in on Remus.

"Where the hell have you been?" Lily snapped in her haughty, motherly way as James helped lower his friend onto the sofa, trying to repress a grin as Sirius shot him looks from behind his girlfriend's back.

"On a bender."

The look on her face was priceless as she processed his words.

"Did you just…did he say…on a bender?"

"Oh yes" Sirius replied with glee, "I think he's still pretty smashed."

Fuming, Lily swept from the room, leaving Alice to catch the door for herself on the way in. She looked around at the four boys with a slow smile.

"Glad to see you made it back in one piece Lupin. Rough night?"

Remus shook his head. "Fun night. Rough morning."

They all looked at him. Remus shrugged indifferently and took a swig from the bottle that he still clutched in his hand, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Ahh, there's nothing like the numbing false sense that everything is okay."

"Ya," Sirius said with a grimace, "Too bad it only comes in a bottle."


	26. Lily: Random Prologue

**Prologue: Lily Evans**

"It's like you're screaming and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless like nothing can save you, and when it's over and it's gone you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so you could have the good."

When you tell a story it's expected that you start from the beginning, but some stories are more complicated than that, and some have more than one beginning so that it doesn't matter where you start, there's simply no right way to go about it. Especially for this kind of story, the kind that spreads over generations and continents, consumes lives and families, and radiates through time and space so that it may never truly be over in the happily ever after kind of way that one comes to expect from this sort of thing. There really isn't a way to express to what degree something becomes a part of your life… or not a part, but the whole of it. It is my life, or it was, and it always will be. Mine and my husband's, our son's and our grandchildren's and all those people who gravitated around us all throughout.

Like I said, some stories have more than one beginning. I could start with my birth, or with the birth of someone long before my time. I could start with the day I found out what I was, my first day of school, or my last. I could even start with my death because I might be telling this story, but that doesn't mean I'm alive at the end of it.

It seems to me that some people are more aware than others of when their own part is coming to an end. You may never be ready, but you know it anyway, and you find a way to accept it because one way or another every moment of your life is drawing you closer and closer to the other side. If you had told me when I was eleven years old that I only had ten years to live I would have laughed in your face, yet at sixteen I might have been grateful to know that I would have five more. On my wedding day I was shocked to have even made it that far, and on the day he was born…my son: destined to be the chosen one, hours old and already marked for death, or a future that would be worse than our past. On that day we didn't know for certain, or maybe we just didn't want to believe it, but now I think that somewhere in all of us we knew that time was running out, and that not all of us would live to see him grow up, and James and I held him and cried, finding there was no true way to express so much happiness, fear, sadness and joy all at one time. He didn't cry though, but lay in my arms, warmer and softer and more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. He was pure love.

And so my heart aches for him, even in death, for every missed moment. It aches for Sirius, the most loyal friend, who paid for our stupidity with everything he had, for Remus, who would be lost and alone for so long, with a hole inside of him where all those who loved him were meant to be, for Frank and Alice, who would no more be able to watch their son grow up than we were ours. Severus, who I never got to say goodbye to and whom I will always love no matter what he brought on my family, and for all the others, friends and strangers, innocent and guilty, young and old. A better person might mention Peter…might forgive him his betrayal, remember the friend that he was, the boy and the young man, and maybe I too would have been capable of this, but I'm dead, and I will spend eternity listening to my husband die, hearing my son's screams and feeling the last breath leave my body. I will remember that we loved Peter, that we trusted him, and that he killed us. Alive or dead, he will not be forgiven because he took my husband, he took my son, and he took my life.

And now for that elusive beginning. Not my first day of school or my last, not the day when I joined the order of the phoenix or the day James asked me to marry him. Not any day at all really, but definitely an interesting one.

* * *

><p>So this chapter and the next couple as well were intended to be the beginning of one or two full stories I started and intended to write but I don't see myself having the time to keep going with much anytime soon so I'm posting them as part of the collection. Let me know what you think and maybe I'll try to get to writing an actual complete story if people like them. Thanks y'all.<p> 


	27. Lily: Falling

My body flew sideways, and then plummeted into the darkness of the abyss. Time froze as I tumbled head over heel into inky blackness. I hit hard on my right side against an embankment, knocking the air from my lugs and jarring me right to the bone. The force of the impact sent me pin wheeling farther down, through muck and rubble that I couldn't make out, air rushing in my ears, blocking out the sounds of the chaos above me. In seconds I hit water and the putrid liquid closed over my head. I drew my knees to my chest, flailing at the swamp water with battered arms, hoping the pool wasn't too deep. When I stopped sinking I stroked my body vertical and extended my legs, relieved when my sneakers touched bottom, still unable to draw breath until my head hit the surface. I tested. The ground wasn't exactly firm, and neither were my legs, aching from the tumble, but I seemed to be in one piece which was about the best I could hope for after being shoved over a cliff and the ground beneath me was solid enough so I wasn't sinking further into the muck. I stood, legs shaking and aching, spouting mud and stagnant water that reached my chest. It smelled of dirt and death, and a tomblike darkness hung over me. Far above the sky was a slightly lighter black, showing me which way I had to go. I could hear the voices far above, or more the shouting and cursing, the darkness occasionally broken by flashes of color as my friends tried to break through and get down to me.

I had to get out. I waded to the side of the pool where I had fallen in, running my hands over sharply angled mud and rocks that I was lucky to have avoided. It was slimy and slick with mud fresh from the rain.

"Lily!" A voice shouted high above me for what I was sure wasn't the first time as I shook my head to clear it. I lifted a hand to my head where a sharp ache had begun to radiate out from my temple but I was soaked all over and couldn't see well enough to distinguish whether I was bleeding and muddy, or just muddy.

Taking a deep breath I raised a sluggish arm, feeling along the side until my fingers curled around a protruding tree root thick enough to hold my weight. I lifted a leg that weighed heavily.

Then I was spent, my body crumpling back into the mud. I collapsed, and lay there with my head and chest pressed into the mud, trying to rid myself of the pain and motivate myself to return to the climb that I had yet to start. The others were preoccupied far above, unable to come to my rescue even if they wanted to.

I didn't move again for what could have been a minute or an hour. ..

888

"Out of the way Potter, let me do my job."

The blood and mud that caked her skin was indistinguishable, her clothes torn and burned beyond recognition, her face a mask of death beneath a layer of muck and slime, scratched and bleeding profusely.

"You've done enough…someone get him out of my way!"

James felt hands gripping his shoulders, forcing him backwards, away from Lily. He struggled, but only feebly, and Remus urged him down onto the empty bed next to Lily's as madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall went to work on her, methodically siphoning away the dirt and dried blood.

888

She opened her eyes and her whole body protested instantly.

"Hey."

She tested her neck, but despite the whiplash she was able to turn and see Sirius sitting on the bed next to her, mopping at a deep gash in her arm with a towel that was already soaked through with red.

"Are you alright?" she asked in alarm, surprised to see him smile at the question.

"Ya, my arm always bleeds like this," he answered, making her return the smile. "I'll be fine" he continued more seriously, "Mostly wounded pride. How're you feeling?"

She tested, running her mind over her limbs, torso and everything in between, checking for pain. Other than a general ache and a dull pulsing in the back of her brain she felt better than she would have expected.

"I feel like I fell off a cliff" she said.

"Now who's kidding around?" he asked, discarding the useless towel and watching more blood trickle from the open wound before returning his attention to her. "Does it hurt?" he asked.

"Only when I breathe."

She was looking around the ward but they seemed to be the only people there.

"Where's James?" she asked, with a sudden fear.

"Oh, the other's are getting reamed out by Mad Eye at the moment I expect. We only got out of it ourselves cause we got injured. 'Expect he'll be here any minute. They barely managed to drag him away from your bedside to begin with, wasn't exactly interested in debriefing even though I told him I'd fetch him if you died."

Lily sighed. "Bet he loved that."

Sirius flopped back on his bed. "Looked like he wanted to kill someone when he left. I'm just hoping it's not going to be me. He always gets all dark and broody when you almost killed. Speak of the devil.."

The door to the hospital room opened and James appeared with Mad Eye stomping along behind him, neither of them looking pleased.

"You're alive, eh?" Moody said, glancing between Lily and Sirius.

"Looks like it" Sirius said with a shrug.

"Is that snark, boy?" the auror growled.

"Might be" Sirius replied, and it almost seemed for a moment as though Moody was going to smile.

"You lot always so stubborn and insubordinate?" he demanded.

"Only when were trying to save the world," Sirius told him casually, earning a dark look.

"I'd be more impressed if you'd succeeded rather than nearly getting yourselves killed," Moody said, then turned and exited the room, every second step ringing with the sound of wood against stone.

Lily looked up to find James watching her, his expression a dark mask. She reached up a sore and scraped arm to brush back dried clumps of hair from her face.

"I'm out of here," Sirius said, glancing between them, then swinging his legs off his bed, leaving dirt and dried leaves behind, "No interest in sticking around for the cheesy part, " and he followed Moody out the door.

"You're staring at me. I must look really awful," Lily said. James took a step forward. He wasn't much better off than she was and she realized that he must have been the one to fish her out of the mud when she was unconscious.

"No… I…when you went over that cliff… I just never thought I'd see you again."

"That seems to happen a lot," she said quietly, "One way or the other."

"Too often," he agreed."

"And yet we've somehow managed to get this far" she said, but this didn't seem to impress him, eyebrows narrowing. "Are you okay Lily?"

"Sure," she said, though she hadn't dared to look herself over. "Just a scratch."

He managed a tight smile that was a shade away from a grimace.

"Really," she assured him, "I'll be okay, providing I get this mud and stench off of me sometime soon," she said in disgust.

"You do smell like death," he agreed, with what was almost a genuine smile.

* * *

><p>This chapter is in three parts that would have had more in between but I didn't do it as I'm not going ahead with the story.<p> 


	28. James: Face to Face

Mind racing, heart racing. I'm shivering and my skin is clammy, goosebumps rising despite the warmth. Deep down I realize that I might be panicking but every instinct I have, both my own and those I've learned allow me to hide it all behind a stoic mask of indifference, allows me simply to focus on getting through this. Rely on your instincts.

It doesn't help that I'm unarmed, with my hands stuck in a viselike, rather uncomfortable position behind my back, nor that I've been effectively blinded, stumbling along under the direction of my captor who keeps a tight grip on me despite my being about as incapacitated as I can be while still able to walk on my own. I can't really blame him of course. I've been in this position before, and that day ended better for me than it did for them.

I do my best to read my surroundings, as I'm lead like an idiot over cold stone floors and through creaking wooden doors. If I had to guess I'd say we were being held in the same kind of place that I grew up in, and based on the company I wouldn't be surprised. Ancient wizarding families have a habit of living in ancient wizarding houses and though there aren't a lot of either left I would place my bets on any number of them being honored to let a very prestigious dark lord set up shop in their home.

One more door and I know that we must have reached our destination. I'm jolted to a stop and my knees are kicked out from under me. I'd almost rather stay blind at this point, knowing the maximum probability for the situation that I've gotten myself into.

Surprise, I'm right. As the darkness lifts from my vision the large room comes into sharp focus. It's sparsely furnished with sitting chairs and a table piled with instruments of the sort that I wouldn't bother guessing on what they were used for. It was probably better that I didn't know in any case. Thick drapes blocked out the windows, the only light issued from the fireplace, which also produced a stifling heat that sat over the room like a cloud.

I shake my head to clear it, still fuzzy from an earlier blow to the head and the heat. I don't bother looking around further. My confidence is about as low as it can get, and I have no desire to know how large my audience is. I can hear them however, feet and robes shuffling, hushed whispers. I'm just beginning to think that my worst fear might not be realized when he appears in my line of vision. I don't turn my head, but moments later he stands in front of me, head cocked, contemplating me with the dark fascination of a child who has stolen someone else's toy. I suppose that that's what I am to him.

He doesn't speak for several long minutes that might have been mere seconds, but I am the one who breaks the silence, impatient.

"Should I be flattered to get a face to face?" I say, my voice sounding much stronger than I feel. The words hang in the air between us. He smiles, or at least I think it's a smile, probably the closest thing he's got to one with those evil eyes.

"Potter. You've changed since last we met."

His voice is silky smooth as ever, and even after so long the sound of it still sends a shiver up my spine.

"Funny the difference a year makes," I retort. "On the other hand, you seem exactly the same."

He chuckles.

"You misunderstand me. You are not as weak as you once were."

And I understand. A year's worth of training and fighting. Countless hours with Moody and Dumbledore, Frank and Alice, and all the others. He's talking about my mind. Without even realizing it I'm keeping him out, blocking his attempts to read my thoughts. There's no saying how long I will be able to hold out however. He is stronger than I am, no matter how much work I've done. And yet… a year ago I was totally unprepared, lucky to escape with my life. Now maybe I have an actual fighting chance.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment."

When he says nothing I find myself opening my mouth again.

"I take it you didn't just bring me out for a cup of tea and a catch up? I have the feeling you haven't missed me. And yet here I am."

"Yes," he says in a hushed voice, almost as though he is speaking to himself, looking back at me where I still kneel on the floor, legs falling asleep beneath me.

"Why am I here?" I ask. "Are you planning on killing me or do you like playing with your food first?" I spit at him. He turns back, and his face is blank.

"Most people speak to me with more respect," he hisses.

"Most people are naïve enough to believe that you might let them walk away from this. I'm long past that by now I'm afraid."

"And yet you still have so much to lose," he tells me. "Should I speak to the mudblood next? Maybe she would be more cooperative. I thought you and I might be able to handle this, but if you need more of an incentive."

He raises his hand to signal one of his thugs and fear like I've never felt for my own well being twists around my insides like razor wire.

It shows in my face.

"No?" he asks coolly. "I thought not. You might have changed, but I know you haven't forgotten our last encounter. Tell me, have you asked the girl what she remembers while you were unconscious? Of course you got lucky, found a way to crawl out of the hole you were in. But now you're my guests once more. Do you think you can possibly pull that off again?"

I bite my tongue, strangling my retort while memorizing each word that he says. The rest of my brain screams for Lily, trapped somewhere far below, out of my reach.

"Where is she?" is all I allow myself to say. I have a bad habit of goading my enemy, but telling him that he should have killed us when he had the chance will just give him ideas that I can't afford for him to have. He has the chance to kill us now, making every minute that we're still breathing a victory.

He's amused once more. " I wouldn't worry about her," he tells me, "I would suggest that you start worrying about yourself, and what it is that were doing here today. After everything you went through last time, I must say I'm surprised you even let my friends take you alive."

I'm not going anywhere near the way he says friends, with the same tone that one might use in reference to a cockroach. Again, I hear the death eaters shuffling uncomfortably behind my back.

"The first rule of combat is survive," I recite. "Besides, getting captured isn't half as embarrassing as being dead."

This receives another of his demented half smiles.

"I must say I find you more interesting than most that I deal with. You have a fascinating mind, it's a shame you're fighting it."

This surprises me but I hardly have the power to contemplate the comment. I can feel his effort now, his mind and mine struggling for power in my head. I'm suddenly immensely grateful for the many painful hours that I spent fighting other, more friendly intrusions into my head. Now it is my stress and emotions that weakens my defenses.

"Trust me," I say, "I'm not nearly as fascinating as you might think." I push back, wrapping an invisible shield around my brain, protecting everything from Lily's smile to the Order's most secure information. I wasn't about to let him have any of it.

"Indeed, you're somewhat of an enigma," he tells me, "It will be a shame to kill you. You could have been great you know. You have everything it takes."

I don't know what he is hungry for or where this is going.

"Old blood, riches beyond anything you could ever need. You could live forever, you could have power, you could have anything. I know much about you Potter…"

"Just not why," I say. "If you don't know then I can't explain it to you." Nor would I. He already knows my weakness; I won't push him to exploit me further. "Is that what we're here for or are you trying to offer me a job? You really want me to tell you why someone might choose to be good instead of evil? Cause I can't help you with that. The reasoning is obviously outside of your comprehension. I feel things that you will never experience. And about your interest in me…I don't think the mask would work. I have awful vision, and they don't appear to accommodate glasses very well."

This displeases him. "Weakness," he tells me. "Men are weak creatures."

I shrug. "Some more than others."

He doesn't catch on to my implication but eyes me curiously. I'm beginning to wonder when we're going to get to the good part. I shift uncomfortably on the hard floor.

"So," I say, "Are we going to get on with this?" I ask with the same false bravado that's been holding me up since my wand left my hand.

"Most people choose to postpone their death as long as possible. You are impatient," he tells me.

"So I've been told, but it's the torture I'm really looking forward to. The dying part I could take or leave."

Without his usual mind games he reverts to the good old-fashioned stuff.

Strange things flit through my mind as a hooded death eater hands him his wand and he rolls back his sleeves the way madam Pomfrey does when she works on her patients, as she did dozens of times when I was at school, Quidditch accidents, experiments, mysterious bites. I close my eyes and memories I didn't know existed play on the back of my eyelids. Sirius grins at me wide, just like when we were kids. Lily kisses my cheek while I'm still half asleep, and I can smell her hair as it falls over my chest. My mother sings along to the wireless in an off key voice and my father ruffles my hair as he passes by.

My own screams break through my thoughts and the next thing I know I'm laying on my back breathing heavily. Good news, my legs aren't asleep anymore and my arms are no longer trapped behind me. Bad news, the rest of body has just had the most painful shock of a lifetime. I jerk once more, and then it all comes to a stop. I have the feeling that he's managed to break into my mind but I know that he hasn't reached what he's wanted.

He hasn't moved, still watching me with the same cold expression.

"You make this much more difficult than it needs to be," he tells me, almost scolding. I wipe my hand over my face and bring it back down covered in sweat.

"Oh," I say, "Was that all? I was just beginning to enjoy myself."

The truth is that I'm not entirely sure I could stand if I tried, let alone move. I just want to lie on the ground forever. I am so tired; it would be a blessing to sleep. But my body is a liar. I have to ignore the pain. I have to find a way out of this, if not for myself then for her, for Lily. I can smell her hair and picture her smile in my head, feel her touch, but I can't let myself think of that right now. I will save her because I can't live without her, but for now there is nothing to do, so I do nothing, I just lie there.

"You look like you're in pain," he says, bringing me back to reality. I had almost forgotten where I was.

"Oh, you have no idea," I tell him. It's subsiding slowly, but I know that as soon as I'm free of it he will start all over. He smiles, settling in. Were going to be here for a long time.

"Open your mind to me," he says softly, "Let me in and this can all end, it's as simple as that."

"Nothing is ever simple," I say in my addled state.

"You know what comes next," he says.

"You won't have any more luck with the others. They know all the same tricks. You won't break them."

He gives a strange laugh, the kind that has nothing to do with humor.

"I don't intend to break them," he informs me. "I intend to use them to break you."

I shouldn't be surprised. I was right that he broke into my mind once more, and that it wasn't order business that he saw there, it was their faces, it was the feelings that I felt when I saw them. It was love. Just because he didn't understand it didn't mean he couldn't exploit it.

"Bring up the girl!" he barks at one of the death eaters behind me and the door slams behind him before I can say a word.

"Is that it?" he asks after a moment of silence. "Are you willing to watch her die to protect the great Albus Dumbledore and his little gang of misfits? You know better than that. You think they wouldn't trade you for their own safety? Are you really willing to sacrifice everything you love for them?" he says, again in the tone of voice that proves his distaste. Love.

I don't say anything. I don't think I could if I wanted to. I'm trying not to choke, and I'm forcing myself not to tell him everything, or let him in, because I know it won't make a difference. I remind myself of what I already know. We weren't walking out of here no matter what we gave up. I feel a hatred inside of me unlike anything I've ever felt, and there is nothing I want more than to kill the monster in front of me.

The door opens again and I can't resist twisting around to look up from the position that I've maintained on the floor.

The death eater that was sent to get her is leading her, but she doesn't seem to be bound or blinded as I had been. She pushes her hair out of her face and sets a pair of bright almond shaped eyes on me. The light from the fire is reflected back at me. I expect to see fear in her eyes, fear and hatred and maybe relief that I am still alive. Instead, I see what I always see; strength and determination, and love. I have seen this look a thousand times and it fills me up. If nothing else, she will be with me when I die. Nothing else matters but her. I move towards her instinctively, but find that I can't budge. Struggling does me no good. Closer to the fire Lily is forced into a similar position, facing me. Her calm is unnerving. She ignores our captors, her eyes focused solely on me. She doesn't so much as glance at the dark lord. It's as if we are the only ones there. And then the illusion is broken.

He is looking between us, gauging the imperceptible communication that travels back and forth. I hate to think that this is the closest thing we will get to a goodbye. Every moment that I have ever spent without her seems such a waste as we face our last moment together. There's so much I want to say to her.

He is watching her the same way that he watched me when I was brought before him.

"Let's get started then, shall we," he says, with what I think must be glee. He glances at me, and then turns to Lily, who still refuses to look away from me.

She's ready for it when it comes but I'm not, I never could be.

"Crucio," he says almost lazily. She doesn't scream, but can't help collapsing to the ground, in the same pain that I have barely recovered from.

"Nooo!"

I don't realize that I've shouted until he turns to me, allowing his wand to drop to his side. Behind him, Lily lies still. I don't know if she's conscious.

"That's better," Voldemort says. I'm not hiding my hatred or my fear anymore, struggling against the magic that binds me. If I was free to, I know that I would try to kill him with my bare hands.

"Are we ready to try again?" he asks me.

Lily stirs, and the death eater immediately binds her once more. Her eyes are slits of pain and she can't focus on anything.

"Or did you want to have another go?" he offers, gesturing back to Lily. "Maybe bring the others up to join the fun."

But we both know that this is all he has to do. It's more than I can take. He raises his wand.

"Wait!"

I already hate myself, knowing that this won't save us and that the information in my head could get any number of the people I care about killed, that this could mean the end of the order, that he would win. I can't think of another option, because the one thing that I can't do is watch her die.

* * *

><p>I really like this chapter myself and I hope you all do too. I always wanted to know about James and Lily's previous encountersescapes from Voldy, so I made one up since J.K.R hasn't been very forthcoming on this. Was going to be part of a whole story but I haven't gotten around to it and this chapter has been sitting on my computer for months, so I decided to put it up as is.


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